Ryan Nallen

While the city provides beautiful architecture, scenic landscapes, diverse culture and hot dogs, it’s home to a lot of not so pleasant experiences, too. Here are eight signs it might be time for a mass exodus out of the city—at least if something doesn’t change soon. Taxes. Chicagoans are constantly getting hit with new taxes. First it's higher property taxes, then you have to pay more for someone to take away your garbage, and then it's the gas and water. It's only a matter of time before we’re paying to breathe the Chicago air. If you’re handing over your entire paycheck to the city every two weeks, it might be time to go. Traffic and the CTA. You're over squeezing into the 5pm Kimball-bound sardine can at Merchandise Mart. No more feeling trapped in turnstiles, no more manspreading or mansplaining, and no more playing “What's that smell?” If you feel your blood pressure start to rise as you approach the platform, that’s a sign. It’s smooth sailing and open roads in the suburbs. Getting punched in the face. We all know the sad tale of the Whites, the pair of very young and married YouTube “stars” who couldn't make it one night in Edgewater before one of them was punched in the face. It's a tale we all know too well—walking out of our apartments and getting punched wherever we go, whether it’s to pay rent or just walking into work in the morning. In the suburbs, everyone greets each other with kisses on both cheeks like you're in Spain. Wrigleyville. The worst place in the c

To maintain a safe and pleasant commute, it’s important to follow some simple guidelines. From proper boarding practices to being courteous while navigating Chicago's public transit system, here are some tips for being a good CTA neighbor. 1. When boarding a train or bus, rush in as quickly as you can before the doors close because they’re on a two-second timer. If you fail to board in time, hopping onto the back as it passes by is also acceptable. 2. Let everyone know what stop you’re getting off at so people can move around accordingly. When you first board, raise your arms and loudly announce, “Belmont is my stop. I am getting off there. Me. I am Mr. Belmont.” 3. Introduce yourself to the train conductor or bus driver and let them know you’re pleased with their conducting. It’s important to be on a first name basis with your conductor so that if you’re ever running late for the train you can shout from the street, “Hey Roy, hold that train!” to which he’ll reply, “You got it, Ryan!” 4. If you see that someone has gotten stuck in a turnstile, join together with others to help push them through. 5. If you’re going to talk on your cell during your commute, make sure to put the phone on speaker. This way other riders can keep track of the flow of your conversation and, more importantly, aren’t left guessing what the other person is saying. 6. Let everyone know which Pokemon are on the bus so everyone can get their phones out accordingly. Seriously, do it. Unless it’s one of th

It’s that time of the year again—Movies in the Park are back, invading Chicago's finest outdoor spaces on a nearly daily basis. For the rest of the summer, you'll have plenty of opportunities to go to your favorite patch of grass with your favorite person and watch your favorite movie. Make the most of it with these tips for taking your outdoor movie watching game up a notch. We've come up with eight ways that you watch a movie in the park like a total pro this summer. First off, drive in. Nothing is better than watching movies in the luxury of your own car. Turn the whole experience into a ‘50s drive-in movie experience while everyone else is sitting in the dirt (with bugs). If the movie hits a dull point or a sappy romantic moment (bleh!), crank some "S.O.B" by Nathaniel Rateliff & The Nightsweats. Bring the biggest blanket you own. Preferably one big enough for you and your partner to do a few barrel rolls. If you’re looking for some measurements, shoot for approximately 11,148.5 square meters. Channel your inner Roger Ebert. Be sure to loudly critique the films to let everyone know you cannot be fooled. People will agree as you shout out, “Hey that would never happen!” or “Fake. That’s fake!” Be a human version of IMDB. Tell everyone what other movies or TV shows the actors on-screen have starred in. Everyone has been wondering, and they were just waiting for someone to piece it together. Provide the inside scoop. Let everyone know what off-screen religious and political

Breakups are tough, especially when you’re on the receiving end. Even worse is when you wish you would have called it off first so you could walk away with the upper hand. Aside from updating your relationship status to "single" on Facebook and hoping your former partner takes the hint, here are some of the worst ways to break up with someone in Chicago. In an Uber/Lyft: If you and your partner are in need of a state-of-our-relationship chat, save it for your next Uber or Lyft ride. Breakups are always easier when you can get out of the car at any given moment. If you’re trying to save a couple of bucks, save it for an UberPool so you can split the cost of the ride. If you do it during surge pricing, you’re just foolish. At the Taste of Chicago: Literally lose them in the crowd. If you need to dump somebody, this is the place to do it. With more than a million hungry and sweaty people meandering around, you’re likely to never see them again. If you can’t get them to leave your side, just break it to them while standing in line for a Maxwell Street Polish. At the Chicago Blues Festival: Head up to the stage and put a special request in for a breakup song with Lil' Ed and The Blues Imperials or whomever is on the stage at the time. A simple, “Hey Jan, this one’s for you” will suffice. There's nothing better than hearing the blues while you’re feeling the blues, right? At the Chicago Air & Water Show: Enjoy the day watching some graceful high powered killing machines fly through

When it comes to the weather, Chicago is known to have its ups and downs. The way the city looks and the behavior of the people living in it is completely dependent on the season. No matter what time of the year it is, Chicago is a wacky, strange and overall goony place. With that, it's hard not to notice the similarities between the four main characters of Seinfeld and the four seasons in Chicago.  Winter is George Costanza This is totally a George month as it’s not only cold and downcast, but it’s also full of stress about family get-togethers, spending time with bubble-boys and dragging out the pole for the annual Festivus feats of strength. It’s also the season where your father will yell “Serenity now!” across the dinner table, and when your fiancé is most likely to unexpectedly die after licking Christmas card envelopes. Summer is Cosmo Kramer When the heat becomes too much or you end up dropping the Commando 8 air conditioner out the window, the best place to cool off and hide out is in the movie theater chowing down on Junior Mints. Preferably one where you got the movie times by dialing up Moviefone. Summer is the only time of the year when you can swim in the lake, though it's probably not the best idea to go for a dip in the river like Kramer. If all else fails and you can’t make it to the beach this summer, bring the beach to you with a bottle of Kramer’s beach-scented cologne. Giddy up, Chicago, because during the summer everyone's out there and "loving every min

Last week, the city was covered in snow. A week before that, it was almost 70 outside. As Katy Perry says, "It’s hot then it’s cold.” Like many of our past relationships, this spring's weather just doesn’t make any sense. It's all over the place and emotionally unsettling. Here are five ways that spring in Chicago is just like your crazy ex. It's unpredictable: One minute it's warm, loving and embracing you, and the next it's cold, dreary and dreadful. Sunshine and then a snow tornado. She loves me. She loves me not. Her attitude will blow you down the street and have you bracing for cover. Day after day, you wonder if you should have even left the house or just died in your bed. It's always making you pay: Two words: TAX SEASON. Aside from Uncle Sam and the folks down in Springfield jamming their hands into your pockets every April, street cleaning and overnight parking bans kick in during the spring, inevitably costing thousands of drivers across town a good chunk of change. It's always causing you to lose some sleep: Every year, the vernal equinox robs you of an hour of sleep. You’ll spend the rest of the season and your life trying to get that hour (and six months of a relationship) back. The changing sunrise and sunset times will throw off your internal clock, making you wonder how a city you love so much could leave you feeling so unstable—sound familiar? You're forced to clean: Every time spring says it's coming over, you clean the whole place up and down. You donate c

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year: tax season. With the panic-inducing filing deadline (Monday, April 18th) quickly approaching, it’s important to remember that a payment from Uncle Sam may be on its way to you soon. While the total lump sum probably won’t be enough to make a down payment on an in-ground pool Clark Griswold-style, here are some suggestions for how to spend that cold, hard cash in Chicago: Lyft money. Literally, that’s it. Use it for late-night Lyft rides after you’ve closed down every bar in town like the maniac you are. Ventra. Use your return money to pay down that deficit from overdrawing your Ventra account. Pay off your CTA debt quickly to avoid not being able to use your card when you need it most—like when you’re in the front of a line of sighing commuters at Merchandise Mart. Amazon Prime membership. You shouldn't have to stand by your gate waiting for your delivery in the rain. It's 2016, and Amazon Prime exists. It gives you free two-day shipping so you can have your five-pound bag of Haribo sugar-free gummy bears waiting for you when you get home from work. Even better, it gives you access to Prime Now, which means you can have your Mucinex delivered within two hours—a godsend for anyone with springtime allergy boogers. Tamales for days. We’re all aware of the tamale man who appears mysteriously in the middle of the dance floor with a cooler full of corny goodness. Next time he pops up like a phantom, impress him and everyone around you by sayi

Chicago is home to some wonderful hidden-away coffee shops. Some are laid-back and have a Delorean, and some have fancy artwork. With each shop comes not only a variety of style and beverages, but also a mix of coffee drinkers. Here are the 10 types you’re likely to encounter in coffee shops in Chicago. The first-timers This is the first time they’ve had a cup of coffee. They take a sip and say, “Oh, it’s really hot," “Ew, not my cup of java” or “What’s happening?” as they begin to sweat (and then sprint back to the counter for a refill). Black coffee will result in them never drinking a cup of joe again, whereas a sweet Frappuccino will hook them for life. The addicts These caffeine dependents have a cup every single day. Without it they can’t function and might fall asleep in line waiting to order. “I haven’t had my cup of coffee yet” is a common refrain for them when approached at work. Throughout the day, they have multiple cups and no cutoff time. Look for them at Starbucks below Second City around 11:30pm, espresso in hand, hair a mess. The hot and cold crowd Sure, some like it hot, and some like it cold. The cold fans love anything iced. They buy Starbucks Frappuccinos in bulk and drink the double shot energy drinks you may remember from all-nighters at the library. Alternatively, others prefer their coffee scalding. They regularly pour a fresh cup just to warm their hands. The writer types These people are in the coffee shop because they like being around people, but

In the pantheon of great inventions, cell phones are an undeniably useful devices. They connect us to friends, family and random people all over the world via invisible radio waves that somehow don't kill us. Most of us can’t take the train without gazing at our phone to check the news, check on friends or just because it's has become second nature. While I’m a big fan of having a a tiny supercomputer in my pocket, it's pretty clear that phone usage has gotten out of hand. Cell phones were banned at Dave Chappelle's shows at Thalia Hall this week, and rightly so. But there are a lot of other places that should have an outright ban on cell phones. Here are 10 of them. Movie theaters: While this may disrupt the ultra-lucrative business of shaky cam pirated movies, phones are a nuisance to everyone else in a movie theater. One of the major inconveniences of going to the movies is when some ignoramus checks their phone and the bright blue glow illuminates the whole room like someone pulled out the Tesseract. Rather than dim the screen (which is a possibility since it’s 2015), they just merrily continue to artificially light the room. The theaters should have an electronic jammer that turns on every time the previews start to replace the poor teenager who nervously asks everyone to shut their phones off. Concerts and shows: Long gone are the days when your uncles holding up their lighters while gracefully wagging their pony tails to the sweet sounds of rock and roll. Now the most

You probably already knew Chicago is a mecca for comedy. Our city is home to some of the top comedy institutions in the world, and people travel from all over to take classes and perform here. But improvisation isn’t just for comedians. Anyone can take a class and apply what's learned to everyday life.  But first, it’s important to understand there are different types of both improv and theaters. The sheer number and variety of shows are what make coming to this city for performing arts so appealing. I’ve graduated from Second City, iO and the Annoyance Theatre, and have performed at almost every type of improv venue (theaters, bars, garages, attics) in town. I also once did 31 shows in a row for a month, and I learned the importance of repetition and how to apply what you’ve learned. Each training center offers different tools to add to your comedic toolbox. With that, here are nine reasons you should sign up for a Chicago improv class today.  You’ll learn the importance of acceptance through the foundation of "Yes, and" Improv is built upon the principle of "yes, and." It’s pretty much an unwritten law that you can’t write about improv without mentioning this, so it’s obvious why it’s first on this list. "Yes, and" means you accept what's been offered, whether it's a line from your partner or a physical action, and build upon it by adding more information. Saying no stops everything in its tracks. Too often, Chicagoans can be negative naysayers. Improv teaches you to break

I very much enjoy ride sharing services like Uber and Lyft, mostly because I no longer have to wait 30 minutes flailing my arms like a bird person trying to hail a cab. Nowadays, I can pull up an app on my phone and find a ride in a relatively short period of time. I've spent enough time using ride shares that I was able to identify a list of 12 types of Uber drivers you’re likely to encounter in Chicago. The first timer: It’s the driver’s first night with Uber, and it‘s up to you to decide how it's going to go. You can either be a drunk stumbling home from Taco Bell or a cordial, supportive patron. They’ll say, “you’re my first” and the two of you will look into one another’s eyes for a moment until someone starts beeping behind you in traffic. The ‘not so Uber’ driver: This poor person is not your Uber driver. They just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. You get into their car, and they respond with a terrified, “what the hell are you doing!?” You disregarded their lack of Uber signage or illuminated pink mustache and hopped into their back seat anyway.  The intense personal caller: It just so happens you got into the car when the driver is having the fight of the century with their significant other. You don’t know if they’re telling you to shut up or they’re talking to their loved one.  The Acqua Di Gio representative: The driver’s car smells like they spilled an entire bottle of cologne on the floor. It reeks of Giorgio Armani’s Acqua Di Gio, and as the

We’ve all ridden the CTA at some point or another. Whether it’s a train or bus, we’re all using some transportation offered by the city of Chicago. With that, we’re all stuck with some of the worst people on the planet to annoy us on our way to and from work. You know the kind of people I’m talking about. In fact, you might actually be one of them. If you are, clean up your act because we (the silent people of Chicago) are sick of it. Here are the worst of the worst who should be blacklisted from the CTA. The Bag People: I don’t even need to say anymore because you already know what I’m talking about. These are the people who leave their bags on the seats or in the aisles. They soullessly look you dead in the eye while their bag or luggage also stares back at you. They could hold their bags, but that would be the polite thing to do and these people don’t have a polite bone in their bodies. While you daydream about grabbing the bag and throwing it out of the train while everyone cheers you on and carries you through the car like you’re Rudy, a single tear rolls down your cheek as you just sit there turning up the volume to Adele’s “Hello.”The Aisle Crowd: They don’t get up. No. They sit in the aisle seat and scroll through their newsfeed stopping periodically at Halloween pics. This is the same type of person who will be in the aisle seat on an airplane or in a movie theater who won’t get up to let you get to your seat. Instead, they pull their knees a quarter of an inch to th