Obnoxious LA

Yoga is beyond mainstream. Everyone and their dog has gone to at least one yoga class. When your yoga teacher has a thick Southern accent and pronounces namaste, “nam-ast,” you're no longer doing something “culturally hip.” Here are the eight people you'll see at any yoga class. 1. The insecure housewife: She has nothing better to do at 11am on a weekday. After pushing out four kids, she's just trying to keep her body in shape so her husband doesn't leave her. In her defense, she looks great. 2. Mr. Man Bun: That really intense fire breathing behind you is from this male-model-meets-hobo. He has a unique musk that is a mix of patchouli and his effort to help in the drought by not showering. He made that bracelet on his wrist from balsa wood leftover from Burning Man after he didn't burn it. 3. The quiet farter: It could be the music, or it could be the guy in the corner detoxing his system. Farts are a natural part of yoga class, and he's made that very clear. And while you don't want to be behind him during downward dog, know that his system will be cleaner than everyone else's in class. 4. The boyfriend: Go figure the one hot guy in yoga class already has a girlfriend. He so obviously got dragged there against his will, and you can tell because he grimaces through each sun salutation. He either lost a fight or didn't want to get into another one. 5. Yoga model: She's taking yoga class, although nothing in her physique says she needs to exercise. She's perfectly in shape and

1. Weed dispensary nurse If you're looking for that perfect sexy medical professional costume, then why not be this Venice Beach staple? Weed dispensary nurse offers people “prescriptions” for “medicine.” Make sure you accessorize with a clipboard, funky mood rings and a bag of “oregano.”  2. Angelyne Are scary costumes more your forte? Become Halloween’s "It Girl" by dressing as Hollywood’s "It Girl.” Imagine a human barbie doll with heavy eye shadow who carries around a Chinese fan to mask the fact that she's had oodles of plastic surgery. Boo! You're Angelyne. If possible, tool around town in a bright pink car. 3. Projection LA   Spray painting yourself is a really bad idea, but going as the Silver Lake art installation is a great idea for a last-minute costume. Just dress head to toe in all white and give new meaning to a white party!  4. Sexy Mayor Eric Garcetti He’s already sexy, so you won’t have to do much! Just slap on a suit and make the costume even more attractive by carrying around a bill to fix all of LA’s potholes.  5. The Infinity Room Only losers haven’t been to the Broad Museum in DTLA yet. Be the star at any party with the Broad's The Infinity Room exhibit. People will be so excited to spend 30 seconds inside of you, there will be a waiting list. 6. A Lyft car Slap on a pink mustache and you’re ready to roll! Have bottled water, mints and gum on hand to offer to everyone you run into. Every now and then, jump in on people’s conversations and start pitching

1. She’s a self-made icon When the early settlers of Los Angeles came here, it was just a desert near the ocean, but through a lot of hard work, determination and a little exploitation of natural resources, it became the second largest city in the United States. Much like LA, Angelyne also exploited her own natural resources. When she rolled into town, Angelyne was just a bright-eyed girl from Idaho (allegedly). She garnered attention through possibly the most effective of marketing stunts, plastering her hot bod across billboards. That seductive pose atop her Corvette became an iconic image for '80s LA. She was famous just for being famous, i.e. the O.G. Kim Kardashian. 2. She’s ageless Los Angeles is the city of eternal youth, just ask any of the plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills. Founded in 1781, Los Angeles, like many of its inhabitants, is definitely older than she looks. Under the apathetic millennial population and massive highway network is a withering old woman on the verge of a pipe burst. For Angelyne, her disguise comes in the form of a Chinese fan and a nebulous origin story. In reality, Angelyne is (allegedly) a 53-year-old woman. Sure, both Angelyne and Los Angeles have a few cracks/wrinkles, but they'll both always stay as young as they say they are. 3. She knows that “sex sells” As anyone who's ever watched an episode of Entourage knows, Los Angeles is a sexy, seductive city. Maybe Hollywood is comprised of seedy nightclubs and head shops, but Hollywood is al

If you live in LA, you know how important it is to get your coffee on. And while the city has many diverse options for single-origin, third wave, micro-roasted coffee, nothing beats the granddaddy of artisanal coffee: Intelligentsia. Both the Venice and Pasadena locations offer up quite a scene, but for now, here are the 11 folks you're likely to encounter at the Intelligentsia in Silver Lake. 1. The barista. With his tweed vest and tie tucked neatly into his shirt, he's dressed as if it's 1930s Russia with the austere personality to match—which makes sense seeing as you just stood in line for an hour to acquire something that should be pretty easy to get. 2. The coffee snob. Commissary. Bru. Lamill. He hates them all. He barely likes Intelligentsia. He’s the guy who sits at the bar making incessant small talk with the baristas about the subtle notes of elderberry and brown butter in his Americano. “Why ruin your coffee by adding cream or sugar? I’m a purist.” He applied for a job at this Intelligentsia, but didn’t get it because even they thought he was too pretentious. 3. The scene girl. The common LA stereotype is that no one ever leaves the house without full hair and make up—unless you're in Silver Lake where you dress up to look like you didn't dress up. From the 1980s Alf sweatshirt to the perfectly coordinated clashing pants, every inch of her is styled without looking like she tried. Her daily trip to Intelligentsia is more about having people look at her than gettin

We know Angelenos are busy, and sometimes you don't always want to do everything you're asked to do. We wrote these handy excuses that are ready to be copied and pasted into any text, because sometimes you need something less generic than “I have an audition.” 1. "I’m sorry, I have to leave my shift early because my son is sick and I have to pick him up from school. And when I say 'son,' I mean my maltipoo, and when I say 'school,' I mean overpriced doggy daycare." 2. "Oh man, I wish I could have stopped by for a drink at Harvard & Stone, but I wasn’t feeling well. I ate something with gluten in it and, even though I’m not gluten intolerant, I spent the rest of the night feeling remorseful for having had gluten at all." 3. "I can’t give you a ride to LAX. I’m actually an Uber driver and am already giving a complete stranger a ride to the airport. But have you heard of UberPool?" 4. "Sorry sweetie, your father has to miss your softball game on Saturday because his municipal dodgeball team is going up against Chris Pratt’s team at the Silver Lake YMCA." 5. "I totes would love to help you move to the Valley but I sprained my chakra during hip-hop cardio yoga class. Oh, but let me know if you still want to go on that hike tomorrow!" 6. "Ugh, there’s a bunch of traffic right now. All of Santa Monica is shut down in WeHo. The gays are celebrating Britney extending her run in Vegas." 7. "I don’t have time to read your script right now, but if you record it as a podcast I can listen

Summer is here and what better way to spend these beautiful days than by lounging around one of LA's lovely (and definitely not polluted) beaches. Santa Monica Photograph: Courtesy National Park Service When people think of Los Angeles beaches, they think of Santa Monica. Santa Monica is home to many celebrities, none of whom are hanging out on the boardwalk, so you can put your camera away. And by camera, we mean phone. And by phone, we mean Apple product. Venice Photograph: Michael Juliano If you're a tourist and want to see some authentic California “eccentrics”, then Venice Beach is for you. You'll find dispensaries sandwiched between American Apparels, frozen banana stands and more dispensaries. Once past the the row of bronzed stoners selling street art, you'll find a vast stretch of sizzling, yet sparkling sand leading out to the open sea. Venice Beach is a great place to spend the day if you can actually find parking. Zuma Beach Photograph: Chris M Morris/Flickr Zuma is arguably LA’s prettiest and cleanest beach, if you ignore the fact that you may or may not get some oily tar-like substance walking around from the recent oil spill. Zuma attracts surfers, Westsiders and peeps from the Simi Valley. Since the beach is located in the north end of Malibu, the traffic can get a little nasty, but it’s well worth the extra drive. Did we mention free parking (not in the lot...on the highway, guys)? Catalina Island Beach Photograph: Kate Wertheimer "26 miles across

With all the dating apps out there, people forget that they can still find love in real life. Love is all around—all you have to do is open your eyes. Sometimes the person you see every day, and would suspect least, is the person you will ultimately end up with. If you can find Jesus in the bottom of your mug, why can't you find love at the top of your latte art? Here are 14 signs that your barista is into you. 1. He makes a car out of foam art on your latte to symbolize how he'd cross the 405 for you. 2. The square reader is broken when it's your turn to pay so he doesn’t charge you, but then the reader magically fixes itself and the person after you has to pay for his $5 latte. 3. He never misspells your name, even if it's Raynnebeaux. 4. He never judges you for impulsively buying an Action Cookie, or for consuming carbs and gluten. 5. He puts agave nectar and soy in your lattes without you having to ask. He knows your body was not made on whole milk. 6. He notices if you've meditated that day because your chakras look more aligned. 7. He can tell by the frustrated look in your eyes that you probably just need the wifi password and he shouts from a distance, "Jeff Goldblum." 8. He compliments you every day—not just the days you come in camera ready. 9. When you’re stuck with writer’s block and look up from your screenplay, you catch him gazing at you. 10. When you ask him for good foodie recommendation he whispers "follow me" and then writes his Instagram handle on the palm

Outdoor movie screenings are as LA as kale, quinoa and terrible traffic. Next time you go, make sure to leave early to avoid that traffic and be prepared to meet the acquaintance of these types of people.  1. The wine-and-diners. This isn't just an outdoor movie—it's a chance to have an epicurean experience. Their bottle of syrah perfectly complements the nutty notes of their over-priced cheese and organic charcuterie. They sit in pairs on king-size blankets that each take up enough valuable lawn space to accommodate a family of eight. 2. The chatterbox. They're not hear to see Chinatown, they're here to catch up on the latest plot lines of each other's love lives, with more twists and turns than Roman Polanski's classic. It's a riveting psychological drama and not nearly as convoluted as the film—so I actually see it as a blessing that their chatter drowns out all of Jack Nicholson's lines. 3. Dog and/or kids. In Los Angeles, having a dog and having a kid are pretty much the same experience. They're both given the same love, attention and privilege, and they're both just as annoying during an outdoor movie. Both will make loud noises at inappropriate times, then make their way onto your blanket. 4. Stinky food eaters. If you're unlucky enough to sit next to the person eating Los Burritos, you're going to be basking in the smell of chimichangas and guacamole for the full 191 minutes of Grindhouse. The wind wafting the scent of onion in your direction can be just as bad and un

In the words of Sir Randy Newman, "Everybody's very happy. 'Cause the sun is shining all the time. Looks like another perfect day. I love LA." Heeding those words, here are the 8 signs that you're falling in love with LA.  1. You don't mind when there's a 'No Left Turn' sign because you get to see more of your beautiful city by making three right turns. 2. You can appreciate our multicolored sunsets even though you know those colors are being caused by pollution. 3. You apply for that apartment next to the 405 because the sound of cars rushing along a freeway lulls you to sleep. 4. You’re okay sitting in traffic on the 10 because you’re listening to a riveting public radio broadcast on KPCC about overpopulation and urban sprawl in Los Angeles. 5. You've gotten over your fear of getting trichinosis at the taco truck and go there on a weekly basis. 6. You don't mind hitting a pothole on Vermont Ave. because it helps dislodge that lip gloss that got stuck between your car seat. 7. You don't mind when your neighbors play music so loud it shakes the building because you know it's preparing you for the next Big One. 8. You like the challenge of finding parking at Runyon because you know it's extra adrenaline for your hike. On the flip side, here are 7 signs that LA is just not that into you. Love hurts.

Being single in LA is hard, and online dating is even harder. It's difficult to navigate the sea of weirdos and unsolicited nude pics from random strangers. That's why we've written this handy guide to help you figure out if you should keep on talking to that hottie on Tinder, or if you should run for the Hollywood Hills. 1. Tons of flashy photos. If someone's profile is nothing but pictures of themselves with Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson at The Standard, you can be sure they're overcompensating—and they know how to use Photoshop. 2. They're "good with public transportation." Someone saying they're very good with public transportation is probably code for "I don't own a car." Not owning a car in Los Angeles is the most red flag-y of flags if a flag could be so red. Just forget it if they're located more than two miles from you. Or if you also don't own a car and you're into that. 3. Their profile picture is a headshot. Do we even have to explain this? 4. Their profile is too long. It's cool if they're a narcissist. That's part and parcel of LA living. But turning a dating profile into a Russian novel about themselves is an entirely different story. No one in LA has the time to read unless it's a script—and even then, they'll only skim the coverage. 5. They describe themselves as an "auteur." If someone says they want to be the voice of their generation, get off their profile faster than you can say Lena Dunham. 6. They're an aspiring comedian. Having a sense of humor is great, b

It can be hard living in Los Angeles. Sometimes, it feels like this city is always against us. But every now and then, the stars align and things go your way. Here are just some of the ways you know the LA gods are on your side. 1. It's 5pm on a Friday and every stretch of freeway around you is completely jammed—except for that one stretch you're on. Hallelujah! 2. There is no line at Urth Caffe, Intelligentsia and/or the drive-thru at the In-N-Out. 3. You meet the guy/girl of your dreams not through online dating—and find out they live on the same side of the 405 as you.  4. Ten people RSVP "yes" to your comedy show on Facebook... and all of them actually show up. Even some of the maybes. 5. You bought your movie ticket at the last minute and only the crappy seats were left at the ArcLight, but no one cares that you're not sitting in your assigned seat. 6. You're able to turn left on Hollywood and Highland without any hassle because there are no pedestrians (tourists) trying to cross the street. 7. You're accidentally given a fifth slice of meat at Tender Greens.  8. You're able to coordinate schedules between three people and find a meeting time that is convenient for all of you. Everyone shows up five minutes early, and through some sort of divine intervention, nobody says a word about being stuck in traffic. 9. The only parking spot you're able to find on Ventura Boulevard is right in front of that ramen place your friend said you needed to try. Oh, and there's still mone

So, you decided to throw down $400 for that improv class your friend recommended. Here’s a little taste of the different folks you should expect to encounter. 1. The improv nerd. Everything in his life is centered around improv comedy. His apartment is walking distance from UCB. This saves him gas money, which he's now spending on those six improv classes that are his lifeblood. He has memorized everyone’s names on every Harold, Maude and Mess Hall team and treats them with the celebrity of meeting Blake Griffin off the court. Del Close is his one and only savior. 2. The weirdo. His heart is in the right place, but his lack of any basic social skills makes him come off as awkward and hard to deal with. You cringe when he's the person to step out in a scene with you—not because he's a bad improviser, but because he's a total wild card (and also his breath kind of smells). You don't understand why he always chooses to wear pajamas to class and how he has failed to grasp basic hygiene well into his 20s. 3. The unsolicited class clown. Someone told him that he was funny, once. So that gave him permission to crack jokes in high school classes, which then leaked into college and now he thinks he's found his niche. Even though it's improv, nobody is trying this hard to be funny. Except for him. In every scene. Way too loudly. 4. The model/actress. Her agent said that taking a class at UCB would look great on her resume, but her ability to be funny is hindered by her inability to spe