Michael Curle

There are many constants in a James Bond adventure: high-tech gadgetry, slick cars, craft cocktails and a rampant disregard for safe-sex practices among them. But a booming theme song is absolutely clutch. Yet the history of Bond songs contains more misses than hits. The best build upon the foundation of John Barry’s iconic score and deliver the kind of bravado that pairs perfectly with silhouettes of semi-nude women and dapper assassins. The worst sound like Madonna having a midlife crisis at an EDM fest.   With Billie Eilish on song duty for No Time to Die, we dived headlong into the history of Bond themes, revisiting  the highs (damn, Shirley Bassey!) and the lows (Tina Turner, how could you?) to separate the zeros from the Double 0s. Here are the 11 best from across the decades.

It’s that time of year again — Notting Hill Carnival is almost upon us. London’s annual celebration of Caribbean history and culture is always one of the year’s highlights, with warm-up and afterparties also setting the mood over August bank holiday weekend.  Carnival is more than just Europe’s largest street festival, however. Along with an estimated 2.5 million attendees that make their way to W10 and W11 over the long weekend, there are the floats, trucks and, of course, the soundsystems. And this year, to mark two years since the Grenfell Tower tragedy, there will also be a 72-second silence at 3pm on both days in memory of each of the victims. With so much going on and so many people, it can be tricky to figure out exactly what you need to know to have the time of your life while also staying safe. So get prepared with all the must-know information before you head to west London…WHICH DAY TO GO? If you’re after a more chilled NHC experience, the Sunday (August 25) is family day, while the Monday (August 26) is the more hard-partying parade.THE TIMETABLEThe festivities kick off with the opening ceremony at 10am on Sunday, with the parade starting at 10.30am, while Monday’s parade starts at 10am. Judging of Carnival’s many mas bands finishes at 6.30pm. Soundsystems play on both days, with a strict noise curfew of 7pm, giving floats, trucks and parade bands time to clear the streets by 8.30pm.TRAVEL – UndergroundThe nearest tube stations without significant disruptions are

1. Mick’s jumpsuits ‘Mick started working with [’60s British fashion designer] Ossie Clark in 1972. He designed all the jumpsuits – there are three in the exhibition – for the American tour The Stones did that year. It was a moment in time when Mick was very much into wearing jumpsuits because they were so easy and comfortable: you just put it on and you were good to go. The jumpsuits are still in decent shape considering the effort Mick puts into his shows!’ 2. The Edith Grove flat ‘Mick in particular was keen that we recreate Edith Grove [the Chelsea pad that Jagger, Richards and Brian Jones shared in 1962-63] in all its disgusting early glory. No photographs exist of the interior, so we relied on Mick, Keith and Charlie’s memories of the place: the broken furniture, the dirty dishes, the cigarette butts and beer bottles. Charlie [Watts] thought that Brian Jones was growing penicillin in the milk bottles because there was green mould on everything. We’re even recreating the smell of the place too.’ 3. Keith’s black Gibson Les Paul ‘Keith used this guitar in the Jean-Luc Godard movie “Sympathy for the Devil”. You can see him playing it on the song of the same name. At some point, Keith painted a multi-coloured design on it and a kind of moon shape. According to Keith, he was waiting to go to jail and had dropped some acid; he got bored and started painting a pair of boots. I guess he didn’t realise how much acid he’d taken, because he ended up painting his guitar too.’

On March 25 2015, the world of pop was torn apart. Zayn Malik quit One Direction, ending the original line-up of the twenty-first century’s biggest pop phenomenon. Now One Direction are returning to London for the first time as a four-piece, headlining Wembley Stadium for the Capital FM Summertime Ball. It seems a good moment to look back at what Harry, Louis, Niall, Liam and (sob) Zayn have achieved so far. So here it is: the definitive list of the 20 best One Direction songs. Following our in-depth run-downs of the best Taylor Swift songs, the best Rihanna songs and the best Eminem songs, we’ve raided all four One Direction albums to pick 1D’s greatest hits and best deep cuts. Scroll through our Top 20, then vote for your favourite One Direction song in our online ranker poll. And if you think that there’s nothing more 1D than pretty faces and a gazillion-dollar merchandise industry, then read on and learn. These guys have changed the world and left some genuinely great songs in their wake.

Bad news for acid casualties, good news for comedy fans: the Udderbelly Festival is back! Here, we break down six of the most a-moo-sing acts to their three key points.

US stand-up Rob Delaney returns to the Southbank Centre with his 'Meat' tour. Until recently, Delaney was best known as officially the 'funniest person on Twitter', according to Comedy Central, for his @RobDelaney account. Now, British TV audiences have been introduced to his foul-mouthed American charm in his excellent Channel 4 sitcom 'Catastrophe' with Sharon Horgan. The 38-year-old comic has developed into a pretty spectacular stand-up, too – his brutally honest, sometimes gross-out but always heartfelt tales about his family life are packed full of jokes.

A scruffy, bearded man who plays to rooms packed with lefties. Is Liam Williams the comedy Jeremy Corbyn? The self-confessed ‘reluctant socialist’ – returning here with his third solo hour of self-aware stand-up – certainly shares many of the same concerns as the new Labour leader: social justice, inequality, imaginary evil wizards who force you to marry your girlfriend (okay, maybe not that last one). But they differ on something fundamental: a confidence in the power of ordinary people to change the world, and especially dreary, cynical old England. Not for nothing did Williams title his show Bonfire Night, a reference to Guy Fawkes and his failed English revolution. Which isn’t to say the Leeds-born comic is uncaring – some of the best bits of the show bristle with righteous anger: the language of neoliberalism, with its ‘wealth creators’ and ‘trickle down’ economics (‘like if Noel Gallagher leaves 5p in a vending machine’), for example, is mercilessly skewered. It’s just that he can’t shake off his essential pessimism. In a bravura skit on climate change, he lays bare his (and our) rampant hypocrisy: he wants to save the planet but is happy to let fruit flown halfway across the world sit rotting in a bowl. It’s this delicious self-mocking streak, with gags aplenty, that brilliantly undercuts the heavy subject matter. Change the world? He couldn’t even convince the Edinburgh Festival organisers to let him use an emoji for the title of this show. It’s not all stand-up: ther

Okay, so 2016 ended on a bad note with the closure of the Comedy Café in Shoreditch, another casualty of rising rents in east London, but let’s not dwell on the negatives. New year, new start and all that. So to celebrate the imminent arrival of 2017, we’ve picked some of the biggest and best shows to hit the capital. From ‘Sister Act’ to headline act… In February, Whoopi Goldberg makes her UK stand up debut (Palladium, February 11). Posh charmer Jack Whitehall does his thing at two enormodomes (SSE Arena, February 11-13; O2, February 24). While unsung musical genius John Shuttleworth takes you on a Casio-backed tour of Sheffield (Leicester Square Theatre, February 21-23). In spring, chirpy student fave Russell Howard takes up residency at the Royal Albert Hall (March 1-10). Ace character comic Zoe Coombs Marr picks apart Aussie machismo in ‘Trigger Warning’ (Soho Theatre, March 16-25). And everything’s for the best in this best of all possible worlds as radio genius Danny Baker makes a rare live outing (Shepherd’s Bush Empire, March 31-April 1). You can’t keep pearly-toothed gag-slinger Jimmy Carr away from the capital in 2017. Tax bill, maybe? (various dates in April, June and November). While brilliant suburban surrealist Sean Lock is back with new show ‘Keep It Light’ (Eventim Apollo, May 5-6). In autumn, brilliant ‘New Yorker’ humourist David Sedaris regales Radio 4 types with his witty stories (Royal Festival Hall, September 3). And mega-selling cheeky chappy Micky Flan

This year’s London Pride parade on Saturday June 25 promises to be even more fabulous than ever. Yep, everyone’s favourite booze-soaked fashion darlings Patsy and Edina (aka Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders) are leading the 2016 parade – part of wider celebrations by the LGBT community  – as it wends its way, with maximum exuberance, through the streets of central London. Loud, flamboyant and brash – how will they ever fit in? The exciting news ties in nicely with recent revelations from Saunders, promoting the upcoming celeb-packed Ab Fab Movie, due for UK release on July 1, that Patsy is – OMG – trans. A foul-mouthed, chain-smoking, shag-happy transexual, naturally: Caitlyn Jenner she ain't. On tomorrow's parade, the pair will be soundtracked by Jodie Harsh and joined by dancers from polysexual power rangers (and Time Out favourites) Sink the Pink. Stoli (who else) will also be involved, setting up an AbFab pop-up at the Freedom Bar on Wardour Street and serving bespoke cocktails including the 'Sweetie Darling'. We'll be streaming live from the Ab Fab float tomorrow from 1pm on our Facebook page. Make sure you watch it, sweetie. Find out more about Pride in London. 🌈

More bad news for cash-strapped Londoners (ie. everyone who isn’t a banker or a Russian Oligarch). London is the most expensive city in the world in which to live and work, according to a new survey. If you add up the combined total of housing and office rental costs to the average Londoner, the total comes to a whopping £807,000 per year. Conducted by estate agents Savills, the survey also found that London is 18 percent more expensive than it was half a decade ago, and for the third year running tops the list of most expensive world cities ahead of New York, Hong Kong, Paris and Tokyo. Let’s all move to Rio – it’s only number 20 on the list, AND they've got the Olympics this year. Want more depressing news? Rent in London is nearly three times more than in Berlin and Madrid. And London buses are moving slower than chickens. Image: Darrell Godliman

Cyclists beware: London bike thieves have a new trick up their sleeves. Labour councillor Sarah King had her bicycle stolen last week after locking it to a cycle rack that thieves had tampered with. Ms King took to Twitter to warn others of the criminals' latest tactics, which saw the cycle rack sliced in half and then covered with gaffer tape to conceal the break.  Cyclists please watch out for gaffer tape on bike racks covering up that they're cut straight through pic.twitter.com/RRiJYVfnwV — Sarah King (@sezking78) February 25, 2016 Her tweet has since been retweeted close to 6,000 times. So thankfully word of the trick is spreading quickly. The Met Police and Southwark Council are currently investigating the theft. Cycle to work in London? This handy map shows the city's busiest cycle commute routes Image: Amit Kapadia

There was controversy this week over a host of recent public space offences created by London town halls. These include, bizarrely, the banning of people from gathering in pairs or more in certain parts of Hillingdon. In a move that’s been criticised by civil liberty campaigners, councils are dishing out increasing numbers of on-the-spot £100 fines to individuals who fail to comply with these public space protection orders (PSPOs). The most eye-catching of the eight PSPOs introduced by Hillingdon in 2014 is one that prohibits people from gathering in groups of of two or more in parts of Hayes town centre and various other locations in the west London borough. There is one slice of good news though: it doesn’t apply to groups waiting for a bus. So you won’t get stung for £100 for waiting on the delayed A10 from Uxbridge. In other outrageous news, Wetherspoon's pubs will soon stop serving roasts. Image: Hannah Whittle  

  A photo posted by Ayden Pierce Maher (@aydenpierce) on Mar 2, 2016 at 8:38am PST Despite the best efforts of sentient beings everywhere, the Donald Trump presidential bandwagon keeps on a-rolling. After having a super ‘Super Tuesday’, Trumpers is hot favourite to become the Republican nominee for the 2016 US election. But news has reached us from the Three Stags pub in Lambeth that the dodgily haired politician is also winning a very different kind of race – the race to guzzle the most amount of urine. Confused? Let us explain. Visitors to the pub's bogs can choose to wee into the mouths of The Donald or his Republican rivals Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio. And get this: the pub is even conducting a poll to see which is the most pissed-in candidate. When asked for an update on the contest, pub owner Richard Bell told The Poke: 'Trump is pissing all over it. By 20/1! Everyone is peeing in Trump’s nut.' It’s the perfect revenge: he fills our ears with shit, we fill his mouth with piss. The official results of the poll will be delivered on Channel 4 programme ‘The Last Leg’ this Friday. In other great news, there's a giant bouncy castle on the South Bank.

South London: say goodbye to Peckham Car Park, say hello to Peckham Levels. The six-storey structure is to be turned into a ‘creative community space’ by Pop Community Ltd, a collaboration between award-winning architect Carl Turner and property start-up The Collective. You can take at look at the recently released plans in detail over at www.peckhamlevels.org and, if you’re a local resident, sign up for a focus group to have your say. So what is The Collective promising? Basically it’s a space – 40,000 sq ft and counting – for local artists and entrepreneurs to do their thing, with room available on occasion for local community groups. They also hope to create 600 jobs as part of the project. Another bonus is that it will give artists the chance to say ‘I’m working on multiple levels’ and actually mean it. Want more reasons to go to Peckham? Here are 34 brilliant things to do in the area.

Free beer. Are there two sweeter words in the English language? That’s why you need to get yourself down to the Hop and Berry in Barnsbury, where landlord Tom Buxton is giving away free pints for the whole of Lent. To reverse the fortunes of his ailing pub, the 31-year-old landlord has hooked up with mobile phone app Crowdit. The app allows visitors to the pub to claim one free pint a day until March 24. Buxton conceived the idea during dry January, when numbers through the door took a dive, and then decided to put it into practice over the 40 days of Lent. But what would Jesus say? Who cares – free beer! Don’t mind paying for a pint? See our list of the top 100 best bars and pubs in London.

© Rob Greig Ruth Sullivan, 44, Foley artist at the ENO What exactly does a Foley artist do? 'It's a mysterious process in many ways. You're in a dark room with lots of props trying to match sounds to images on screen. Like the sound of footsteps or the movement of their clothes if it's a period piece. When they mix the sound for the TV show or film they can choose the original location sound or what we've recorded in the studio.' What have been your career highlights? 'Winning an Emmy as part of the sound team on 'The Life and Death of Peter Sellers'. More recently, I've done 'Dickensian', 'Downton Abbey' and 'The Musketeers': so lots of leather and jangling swords, and generally causing a rumpus.' Rumpus is good. So, what's your most useful prop? 'I always take a Gameboy with me because it's useful for all sorts of sounds. Something simple like the sound of a remote control being picked up, or I could match it with a piece of metal to make the noise of a machine gun rattle.' Any weird requests? 'We did an episode of 'Whitechapel' where a phone had been lodged in the throat of a murder victim. We had to recreate the sound of it ringing and then being pulled out. So we got a phone, put it inside some condoms and stuck it inside a melon and rang it! That gave us the muffled ringing sound and then the gloopy sound effect when we pulled it out. Melons are good for that kind of body goo.' Gross. Does that mean there's always a melon in your prop case? 'Not exactly. But it is my g

Tom Davies, 37 European marketing director and project manager for Secretly Group record labels How did you get into the music biz? 'I was playing in a band. I put out a couple of records and got to know people in the industry. Then I got a job working for Digital Hardcore Recordings, Atari Teenage Riot's label - this was the late '90s - doing their mail order. Then I got to know more people; it's really important to go to shows. I asked them for work, I was a pushy little bastard. And eventually I started doing management stuff for independent labels.' What band were you in? Anyone good? 'I'm not going to tell you. It's such a shit band name. I'm not willing to say what it was. Plus I've got an ungooglable name - Tom Davies! There are thousands of us!' Foiled! So, what is it that you do at Secretly Group? 'I've got two roles. One is project management: I look after the album campaigns for bands like Destroyer and The War On Drugs. I set release dates, commission videos, speak with publicists and distributors, handle the creative stuff. The other side is marketing: getting people excited about records by Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Ryley Walker, Viet Cong. Itís really awesome.' Are bands ever a nightmare? Do you have any war stories? 'Not at Secretly. But prior to working for them, I handled a really big artist who refused to do press in Italy. I saw red and told them: "You're behaving like a complete cunt." After that, I wasn't allowed to speak them directly, and I was banned

Rob Greig   Jane Petrie, 49, film costume designer So how did you start out? 'I didn't even know the job existed until I was 22! I had a stall selling hats in Camden and Portobello markets and I'd been doing portfolios for years for art foundations and not knowing what to do with them. Then I heard about the costume course at Wimbledon College of Art. It was so exciting to discover I could do it for a living! What was your early career like? 'I worked at "Spitting Image", doing some costume-making as a trainee. I worked for Sands Films in Rotherhithe: they're known for authentic handmade period costumes. Eventually I became an assistant costume designer and worked with some great people. But ultimately I wanted to be a costume designer in my own right. So I had to go back to earning nothing!' That must have been a tough decision. 'Yeah, you spend so long being skint as a trainee, then end up on a James Bond film or "Star Wars" film earning good money. It's hard to go back. But I wanted to design. In one year I did "Moon" and "Fish Tank": low-budget films with great potential. Both of them were really well received. They were a great springboard.' You recently worked on "Suffragette". How did you make it historically accurate? 'We did loads of research because it was really important that the film felt immediate and real. I looked at a lot of early photography, street photography and film, to capture clothes in motion. I researched real people, wearing real clothes, as far as

  1. The snackers Once upon a time, cinema snacks meant styrofoam popcorn and a communal bag of dusty wine gums (best before end of: the Crimean War). But nowadays there's no end to the comestible crap that's on offer, and boy, don't people love to stuff it into their greedy faces, which are mere centimetres from your delicate lugholes. Listen to them: munching on a greasy 'pork' cylinder, slurping on a Brando-sized Coke. It's a Dolby-defying snackophony! The solution? Intravenous nacho cheese drips. It's the only way to guarantee any peace. 2. The under-fives They shout, they scream, they eat off the floor. And some Hackney cinemagoers bring their kids along too. However many adult-friendly jokes Pixar sticks in its scripts, a visit to the flicks with the rug rats will leave you more traumatised than Brad Pitt at the end of 'Se7en'. And now they're all hopped up on sugar, getting them home and into their jim-jams is going to take longer - and be even less fun - than a 'Police Academy' marathon. 3. The bed heads We open on a boutique picturehouse somewhere in west London, where middle-class cinèastes sprawl on beds, tonguing tiny tubs of organic ice cream like sweet-toothed Jabba the Huts. No, this isn't the latest Richard bloody Curtis: this is actual real bloody life. For some breathtakingly lazy Londoners, the whole sitting- upright-to-watch-a-film thing is just way too much effort. You have to wonder how these delicate flowers even make it to the cinema in the first plac