Marissa Burgess

It's a little known fact that Father Christmas first started out as a comedy character act. 'Nick', to his mates, started out on the scene as 'anti-comedian' wearing a big red overcoat and 'comedy' beard, occasionally distributing inappropriate presents to members of the audience and telling deliberately unfunny gags. A misdemeanour found him wedged in a lady's chimney (literally that is... not euphemistically) so he had no choice but to bluff it out and claim he was delivering presents to all the good children in the world. And so the legend was born. Anyway, if he doesn't bring you what you want this year, this lot will cheer you up. Barking Tales, Zombie Shack, Wed Dec 2, £5 Harriet Dyer's monthly comedy night that lifts the lid off mental illness and allows us a therapeutic laugh about it. This month it's the turn of the larger than life cheeky chappie Ray Peacock to share his stories, with support from Matt Hollins and Juilette Burton. Fred's Comedy Club, Fred's Cafe Bar, Wed Dec 2, £5Levenshulme's resident monthly comedy club. The latest in a line of top quality acts sees a headline set from Jo Caulfield, a seasoned comedian who has penned a fair few of her acerbic asides for some telly names – Graham Norton included. With support from the darkly funny Rachel Fairburn and, as ever, Andy Kind comperes. Pen:Chant, Contact Theatre, Thu Dec 3, £7 (£4 conc) Ben Mellor introduces this blend of comedy, cabaret, spoken word and music. More French than a round of Brie dressed in

There may not be, quite, 12 days of comedy mentioned here but there are still plenty of comedy events to lead your way up to Christmas and the New Year. So Leeds, strap on the tinsel, pop in the baubles and make like a Christmas tree and get yourself down to this little lot. Five gold rings? Pah. Though watch out for those maids a milking. Comedy Cellar, Verve, Tue Dec 1, freeSuch is the dedication of this open mic gig they're putting on the comedy every Tuesday right up until 22nd, only then taking a well earned break until the 12th January. Noel Fielding, O2 Academy, Wed Dec 2, currently sold out The rescheduled gig from earlier in the year when the bouffanted one had to postpone, possibly due to a hair crisis (or even unavoidable filming commitments). Expect some gloriously surreal creations, some familiar characters and, of course, ineffable cool. Comedy Kaiju, Hirst's Yard, Wed Dec 2, £2 Settling nicely into its new home at Hirst's Yard after moving from Wharf Chambers, Dave Rivers' long running Comedy Kaiju night continues. There's a headline set from the Hull based upbeat comic Jed Salisbury, so he's not got too far to come... Comedy Sessions, HiFi Club, Fri 4, 11, 18 & Sat 5, 12, 19, Dec, £10 - £14 The HiFi branches out to two nights for the three week run up to Christmas. Take in the likes of BBC Comedy Award winner in 2011 Angela Barnes, the always joyful Dan Nightingale, Newcastle comic Mickey Hutton and the country dwelling Rob Rouse. Jongleurs, Tiger Tiger, Thu 1

It's a little known fact that Guy Fawkes was in fact a stand up comic. Comedians being comedians, constantly trying to out do each other, they dared him to storm the Houses of Parliament with the promise that he could finally get to headline the notorious gig at Ye Olde Rope and Gibbet. Sadly it didn't quite go his way… Anyway, in his memory try this lot this month. Greater Manchester Comedy Festival, Sun 1 – Tue 10 Nov, various venuesHaving had a successful time running the Greater Manchester Fringe since 2012, the team decided to move on to picking up a comedy festival too. Funding ran out for the Manchester Comedy Festival a few years back so GMF took on their own version. There's plenty to take in but a highlight will be Tuesday Tickles with self confessed bad mum Penella Mellor on the final night (Tue 10, Taurus). Gein’s Family Gift Shop, Kosmonaut, Mon Nov 2, Free Gein’s Family Gift Shop is, once again, in the basement at Kosmonaut. Don't worry, they're not keeping them there on a permanent basis, they're there for their regular monthly evening of the seamy, dark side of comedy with top guests, Harriet Dyer and Danny McLoughlin. Quippodrome, Gullivers, Mon Nov 2, £4 Putting the weird into, well weird really, Quippodrome returns to Gullivers on Oldham Street. Expect all manner of oddball events in 'a mega massive multimedia laughstravaganza'. They've got 'Maurice', the greatest pick up artist in the world and 'Busy B Business Boy' and promise, no anecdotes about 'the wif

It's that time of the year where you have to dodge the rockets, Catherine wheels and air bomb repeaters as you pop to the shops for a pint of milk. Never mind, to badly paraphrase Sir Johnny of Vegas, warm yourself by the fire of comedy with this explosive lot (Ha ha, 'explosive', get it? Oh never mind...). Andy Hamilton, West Yorkshire Playhouse, Sun Nov 1, £18 - £20 Alongside Guy Jenkin, Hamilton is the writer behind Channel 4's 'Drop The Dead Donkey' and more recently BBC's 'Outnumbered'. Unable to resist the lure of the microphone any longer he returns to the stage to deliver the lines himself once more with 'Change Management' – don't fear the flux. Josh Widdicombe, City Varieties, Mon Nov 2, £17.10 - £21.10 Probably the grumpiest young man about, also one of the funniest. Widdicombe fixes his frown in place and occasionally gives us his best exasperated look for 'What I Do Now..'. Given the level of success he's achieved he really should be smiling. Comedy Cellar, Verve, Tue Nov 3, free Monthly plug for this weekly open mic night that over the years has been providing a much needed platform for new and wannabe acts to try out their stuff. Get along and support it. Joe Lycett, Wardrobe, Tue Nov 3, £12 currently sold out. With 'That's The Way I, A-Ha A-Ha, Joe Lycett,' Lycett demonstrates one thing above all, he loves a pun. With this, his third show with a pun-filled title, Lycett continues to seep his way into the country's good books. The funny man from Birmingham (ori

It's that month where, at the end of it, you get your chance to dress up like an idiot and have a laugh. That said there's absolutely no reason why you can't do that for the rest of October too. Take in these lot while dressed as Herman Munster. Why the hell not. (well actually because you might get kicked out but still...)?Comedy Sessions, HiFi Club, Sat Oct 3, £10-£12Weekly comedy at the HiFi, this week sees a performance from the beguiling Canadian Pete Johansson who performs a great line in intriguingly honest stand up. Also on the bill are the idiosyncratic Benny Boot and seasoned pro Andre Vincent. Don't forget it's every Saturday throughout the month.Sean Kelly, City Varieties, Mon Oct 5, £13.60-£18.60Yes it is that guy off of 'Storage Hunters.' Like many a presenter Kelly came up through the comedy ranks. Not many stand ups can lay claim to a tour of army combat tour of Iraq and headlining the MGM Grand in Las Vegas though. Gotta be worth a look.Comedy Cellar, Verve, Every Tuesday, FreeWeekly grass roots comedy as new comics begin to craft the skill of stand up. Get out there and lend them your support. Patrick Kielty, City Varieties, Thu Oct 8, £16.60-£19.60Another comedian who is probably better known these days as a presenter but back in the day the Northern Irish Kielty was one of the most fearless stand ups around. This show, 'Help' isn't on political form but it is nevertheless effortless in its demonstration on how to perform stand up. Jenny Éclair, Carriagewor

October, 'Com'tober more like. Jesus, there's enough comedy out there in the city this month to cause the spontaneous rupturing of everyone's tickled ribs. Anyway, here's some of the highlights. To paraphrase the 80s Starship hit, 'we built this city, we built this city on com-me-dyyyy' (I promise you that'll be in your head the rest of the day now – no need to thank me.) No Such Thing As A Fish, The Lowry, Thu Oct 1, £18 BBC Two's fact busting series QI also produces a podcast after the programme's research 'elves' discovered there are far more commonly held misconceptions to debunk than you can fit into one TV episode. Mostly they produce it in a dark dank studio, but here they head out on the road and you get a chance to have a nosey at what said 'elves' actually look like. Comedy at Chorlton Irish Club, Fri Oct 2, £10-£12 Chorlton's monthly club night sees a performance from a seasoned Canadian act who is anything but convention. Looking something like Columbo if he'd ever decided to take up clowning, Wes Zaharuk's shambling exterior is deceptive as he's actually a highly skilled prop comic who is well worth a look. Plus support from Paul Thorne and Brennan Reece and MC Andrew Ryan. Group Therapy, Gorilla, Sat Oct 3, £10-£12 Joe Lycett is recently returned from the Fringe and currently out on tour with his full length stand up show but here he takes time out to drop by for a set at this great club. Sarah Franken, the artiste formerly known as Will, is recently out as a tr

Right now students, you're back in town this month and you've got a loan cheque in the bank so get down to the this lot to start the new term. Non-students, quick get down to the stuff earlier in the month to avoid the student rush and later in the month to cheer yourself up before you have to start explaining to your confused student neighbours which colour bin goes out on which day.Comedy Cellar, Verve, Every Tuesday, FreeDon't be forgetting about this, this month. Just because the autumn season is gearing up this is the kind of gig where it all starts for most acts. Get down here and support your local open mic.Alan Carr, Grand Theatre, Sun Sept 6, £33It's been more than a decade since Carr was honing his art over the other side of the Pennines. But even back then he possessed an inherent comedy. His sheer force of personality shone through, as he dashed through the gags at a breathless pelt. On the other side of major TV work he's now playing much bigger venues but he's still sure to find a way of bringing everyone under his gossipy wing.Sitting Room Comedy, Belgrave Music Hall and Canteen, Thu Sept 10, £10The quality Yorkshire comedy night returns for a new season. This month sees a performance from seasoned comedian Mark Maier, Christian Reilly who was formerly one of Otis Lee Crenshaw's (AKA Rich Hall) Black Liars, the breezily chatty Stephen Bailey and Leicester comic Jim Smallman.Henning Wehn, City Varieties, Fri 18 & Sat 19 Sept, £17.60German comic has been reducing

So, have you got your protractor? Clean shirt? Pencils sharpened? Done your summer homework? Then you're all ready. No wait, that's school isn't it? All you need to take in this lot is to turn up with your laughing face on. Goodo. Manford's Comedy Club, Bierkeller, Thu Sept 3, £12.50Brennan Reece has just returned from performing his début solo stand up show at the Edinburgh Fringe in a tent in the beer garden of a pub. It's like that the Fringe. And a fine début it was. Reece has an endearing childlike giddiness, spending 40 minutes exploring why he hasn't grown up – and we don't think he should. Malawian comic Daliso Chaponda, cheeky Geordie Matt Reed and former actor Paul Pirie complete the line up. Manford's comedy club also has dates at The Lowry on 18 and 19 performing in the Roundabout setting.Laugh Local, Chorlton Irish Club, Fri Sept 4, £12 /£10 advanceThe cosy monthly Friday night comedy club in the heart of Chorlton. Great line up as ever – there's musical comedy from Christian Reilly who was once a part of Rich Hall's band, skilled stand up and rap from Chris Turner, relative newcomer Chris Washington and the exuberant Dan Nightingale is your MC.Group Therapy, Gorilla, Sat Sept 5, £12 (£10)Hard to believe that GT is a fully formed walking and talking toddler now. We remember when it was burbling in its pram, but this month sees it celebrate its 3rd birthday. No surprise that it's a strong line up with Adam Buxton and his twiddly, techy funnies. Plus the brilliantl

It's going to be a quiet one this month with half the comedians in the country up at the Edinburgh Fringe and a few clubs taking a break until next month. But Leeds, don't worry there's no need to resort to to watching re-runs Mock The Week on Dave there's plenty of live comedy to be seen this month by those not stopping because the month begins with the letters Augus... Manford's Comedy Club, Pryzm, Sat Aug 1, £15Jason Manford's nationwide comedy club continues to thrive in Leeds. Little brother Colin Manford takes the reins and introduces sets from Carl Hutchinson and Barry Castagnola. Geordie Hutchinson is an affable presence on the stand up scene who's supported the likes of Chris Ramsey and wrestler Mick Foley on tour. Meanwhile Barry Castagnola former member of spoof eco-warrior dance-music act Cyderdelic has more recently been seen climbing Kilimanjaro with Rhod Gilbert. Comedy Cellar, Verve, Every Tuesday, FreeRegardless of big festivals going on north of the border the open mic night carries on its weekly residency at Verve. No excuses this month – get checking out the fresh new talent on the Leeds scene and those that are probably never going to make it but are giving it a shot regardless. So get down there and support your local comedy night. Comedy Sessions, HiFi, Sat Aug 8, £10-£14Dan Nightingale introduces the line up at the HiFi this weekend. Malawian comedian Daliso Chaponda is based over here but is so versatile an act that he's gigged not only in Canada wher

Standing by a dusty road side, worn tea towel in hand, we wave off the golden people headed for fame and fortune at the Edinburgh Fringe. Or to lose whole load of cash and have a mental breakdown by September. Could go either way frankly. In the meantime the August comedy scene in this town rolls on, there's some fine stuff going on here in what is traditionally the quietest month of the year. David Cross, Gorilla, Sat Aug 1, £16-£19Group Therapy always has a great line up of carefully selected acts but this ones a bit of a coup - a performance from no holds barred American comedian Cross. Known to many for his part in 90s HBO sketch show 'Mr Show with Bob and David' alongside Bob 'Saul Goodman' Odenkirk and going on to play Tobias Funke in 'Arrested Development.' Of course first and foremost he's a fine, fine stand up. Burlesque Feminista, Frog and Bucket, Sun Aug 2, £10 (Adv) and £15 VIPAn extra special Dulcet Sounds/Laughing Cows night at the Frog this month. Not comedy in its entirety but a night of some very witty Burlesque performers – the feline Cece Sinclair, drag king Rusty Von Chrome and the vintage stylings of Lorretta Von Dini plus a stand up set from kooky Austrian Alice Frick. Didsbury Comedy Club, Didsbury Cricket Club, Sun Aug 2, £7The Heatons Comedy Evening, The Heatons Sports Club, Sun Aug 2, £7.50This time at the monthly double up between two of Rob Riley's fine gigs it's Justin Moorhouse getting the 42 bus between venues as he has one last showcase of his

For those not in the know, life modelling is modelling nude for artists. It's something I do as a bit of a sideline, needless to say as a freelance writer the extra cash is handy. Also I just like to get out of the house. People both in and outside of classes tend to have plenty to ask or say to you – usually when they've plucked up enough courage and you're back in your clothes.So here are the five most frequent comments I get as a life model.1: 'What do you think about?'All sorts of stuff, but mostly crap. It's a question I'm often asked when people find out that I'm a writer too. I think they like to imagine I'm creating the next Booker prize winner in my noggin. Or a Pulitzer prize winning piece of journalism. It's usually lists. Both of the shopping variety and the 'to do.' Or wondering if I remembered to feed the cat this morning.2: 'You must be brave/have a high opinion of yourself?'No, not particularly. With age comes confidence I guess but it's more of the 'I really don't care' variety. Don't worry, I've not given up on life just gone way past that teen angst fretting about having a spot, bloated belly, or a big arse. And let's face it, I'm the only one who doesn't have to look at it. It's just me without my clothes and what could go wrong with that? And if it does, well worse things happen at sea. Like giant squid attacks. 3: 'Do you ever get the feeling anyone's come along just to perv?'Let's face it that would be a level of commitment most pervs just don't have. I

Did you know that Julius Caesar fancied himself as a bit of a stand up? He didn't do too badly for a while on the Rome open mic circuit. However it was to prove his downfall when he was set upon by a bunch of hecklers who had heard his routine on the Roman sewerage system one too many times and stabbed him to death. Still, no better month than to catch some comedy than the one named after him, no?Robin Ince's (Almost) Farewell Tour, Kings Arms, Wed 1 & Thu 2 July, £10 (£8 conc)Ince is threatening to give up stand up again. Actually, he's just going to have a bit of a rest. Well he is a busy fella, what with exploring politics, the news and science largely in his Monkey Cage shows with Prof. Brian Cox. This show promises to be a blend of the brand new and some greatest hits. It'll be good.Laugh Local, Chorlton Irish Club, Fri July 3, £12 /£10Compere Ray Peacock introduces another top line up at the monthly Chorlton club. Little Hulton's comic Steve Harris is a cheeky presence, musical Scouser Steve Gribbin is one of the original political comedians and Penella Mellor is a gloriously bad mother from which she derives a delicious dark humour.Group Therapy, Gorilla, Sat July 4, £10 - £13Continuing the incredibly good line ups they always have here in July GT play host to off beat poet Tim Key. Key's had his brush with fame as Alan Partridge's sidekick Simon, played opposite the amazing Daniel Kitson in his two hander play 'Tree' and has been seen on Charlie Brooker's 'Screenwipe.