Kate Byrne

I've been bartending for four years, and have made a countless number of acquaintances and have gotten incredibly close with my co-workers and regulars alike. But sometimes patrons say things that are, well, terribly stupid. From quasi misogynistic comments to comments that betray a clear lack of awareness of how a bar works, here are nine things that you should never, ever say to your bartender (they've all been said to me).  'What do you like to drink?' I like to drink Malort and whiskey. I guarantee you thought I was going to say Vegas Bombs or Patrón with training wheels. Join me, or make a decision for yourself. 'Thanks, honey.' Honey, sweety, babe, darling, sweet pea—none of those are my name. We’ve known each other in the time that it takes you to drink your Maker’s Mark on the rocks. I could easily be your daughter’s age but yeah, carry on with your public cat-calling and I’ll talk to your college-aged son about it tomorrow. 'It’s a blue Chase card.' Congratulations! You and half of the other people at the bar bank with the same bank, meaning that most of the cards in the tab pile are going to be blue. This might explain why I asked you what your last name was when I went to close out your tab. Sidenote: When you ask to close your tab and say your name is “Matt,” you realize you are probably one of at least five Matts in the room at that given moment, right? 'Can I charge my phone?' Honestly, I don’t mind charging your phone behind the bar in most cases. I get it, I w

Bars are a big part of living in Chicago, a fact that is hard to miss for me (I'm a bartender at Schubas and iO). The behavior of bar patrons can fit a lot of descriptions: infuriating, amusing and downright odd.  The strange occupation that is bartending gives me at least one memorable interaction every night. I publish these interactions 140 characters at a time in a series of tweets that I like to refer to as "bartweeting."  Here are some of the best tweets that I've compiled during my time as a professional drink pourer. People never cease to be weird at a bar Cheers to the couple that keeps separately coming up to the bar to take a shot alone think their sig other doesn't know/isn't doing the same — Kate Byrne (@katebyrnepower) September 18, 2015 Man at bar celebrating his 30th birthday while wearing a shirt that says "I Shaved My Balls For This?" 😑 — Kate Byrne (@katebyrnepower) November 5, 2015 Bartending for a bike messenger meeting in which they are reading their new company manual out loud popcorn style — Kate Byrne (@katebyrnepower) September 17, 2015 We've sold over 30 Red Bulls tonight. On an average night, we sell two. Chicago is #turnt. #HappyHalloween #bartweeting — Kate Byrne (@katebyrnepower) November 1, 2015 And sometimes bros just don't know how to tip A dude just paid for his $3 PBR with two dollars, three quarters, two nickels, and two pennies. That's $2.87. Bro walked away. No tip. — Kate Byrne (@katebyrnepower) November 8, 2015 Don't tip me

Multitasking is in a bartender's job description, so if you think you're slipping by unnoticed, think again. Just because we bartenders are pouring beer while answering questions, counting numbers and remembering that food order doesn't mean I didn't just see you check out my co-worker's butt. Here are five things that always catch our attention. 1. That money just lying there on the bar from a previous well-to-do tipper. We’ve seen it already. We know it’s there. We either haven’t had the time to grab it, or we’re waiting for a more opportune and polite time to take it away from under your nose. Fresh faced 21-year-olds (who are we kidding, this category includes underage kids with fakes) get that twitchy look in their eyes that says, “I can ever so slightly whisk this lovely dollar bill from the bar that helps pay the bartender a living wage and shove it in to my pocket.” Get your grubby fingers off my tip money. 2. That extra lime you stole. If your goal is to get the bartender to roll their eyes as soon as possible, ask for three limes with your vodka soda. I’m looking at you, sorority sisters. Here’s a newsflash: Squeezing three limes into your drink tastes pretty much exactly the same as squeezing one lime in to your drink. If you love lime juice so much, why haven’t you realized that there is a miracle substance called Rose’s Lime Juice? I can pretty much guarantee that any bar has this. 3. You don’t know what a Vegas Bomb is. You also don’t know what Sex on the Beach