Brian Martens

The New York subway tunnels are the arteries and veins for getting millions of New Yorkers where they need to go, and back. Unfortunately, anytime you put that many people together for anything, there’s bound to be plenty of assholes. (Or maybe that's just NYC) Here is a list of the charmers and mental giants you may encounter:   The Bouncer The person who stands directly in front of the doors, as if they’re checking IDs before you get on and off the train. The Prepper The person who gets up on a crowded train two stops before their actual stop to prepare to depart, as if the train door opens for only one second per station.  The Model The person who's decided the subway car is their personal boudair and the perfect place to apply all of their make-up. The Drinker The person who blatantly drinks or smokes on train before eventually passing out. The Music Man Solo or with a group, they will perform a song that lasts the length of time in between stops and then hit you up for $$.   Mr. “Showtime” A combination of The DJ and The Music Man, this talented dance ensemble will provide you abysmal music and hit you up for $$. The DJ The person who has decided that their abysmal choice of music should be the soundtrack for your commute. The Body Double This is the idiot with the large backpack that has now doubled their depth, painfully unaware that every time they spin they knock over multiple people.  Bag ManLady The least offensive of the bunch, except that their collection of pl