Tattoos. Attitude. Muscles. Cueball noggins. Action sports. Attitude. Guns that look like willies. Evil Russians. Tattoos. Biggest-grossing US movie in blah-blah-yadda-yadda. Indeed, if Dubya and Dick Cheney had made their very own post-9/11 patriotic propaganda movie for the teens they need as globalisation fodder, then this would be it. Xander Cage is XXX is Vin Diesel is an action sports hero who has a problem with authority. Augustus Gibbons is Jackson with a comedy scar, who is an agent for the National Security Agency who forces XXX to foil some Russian goths who plan to plunge the free world into anarchy. Asia Argento is the Bond Girl.
Like the old action franchise, it has gadgets and explosions and one-liners and sex with women who don't talk. But don’t bust a gut because you'll miss the jaw-dropping action set pieces, where Diesel's head is superimposed on to things that look a bit like snow and sky in a series of death-defying, um, stunts.