It’s been a while since we’ve seen a movie that feels as though it was made by someone who just discovered Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie movies. Meet Love Hurts, an action-comedy based on a script that’s 20 years old and feels 25 years past its sell-by date.
On the bright side, it's only 83 minutes long. And we do get to spend the time with a charming Ke Huy Quan (Everything Everywhere All at Once) as a mild-mannered real estate agent who takes genuine joy in selling prefab houses in bland suburban developments. West Side Story’s Ariana DeBose is equally delightful as his dangerously thorny former crush. When she turns up one fateful Valentine's Day after years away, he knows it’s trouble: he’s a former assassin and she intends to upend his carefully-cultivated life.
Cam Gigandet recites his lines as though he learned them phonetically
There’s a little more to the story – it involves angry Russian mobsters and Cam Gigandet reciting his lines as though he learned them phonetically – but none of it matters. Quan and DeBose are confident, if chemistry-free, leads who ground both the weak plotting and whipsaw direction, but even they can’t do much about the poorly choreographed fight scenes.
This long-gestating passion project from stuntman-turned-director Jonathan Eusebio is a tough Valentine’s Day reminder that some passions are better left buried.
In cinemas worldwide Feb 7.