Just Ask for Diamond

This junior private eye spoof on The Maltese Falcon, scripted by Anthony Horowitz from his novel The Falcon's Malteser, soon degenerates into superficial pastiche and becomes increasingly tiresome. Handed a box of Maltesers by a South American dwarf, teenage shamus Tim Diamond (McLinden) is soon out of his depth and forced to rely on his younger, smarter brother Nick (Dale). The Fat Man demands an audience, Inspector Snape (Paterson) and his sadistic assistant (Nail) apply the pressure, and comically inept heavies Gott and Himmell (Eyre and Grace) fall over each other to get their hands on the chocs. Sadly, only York as the drink-sodden romantic Laura Bacardi, and Patricia Hodge as the enigmatic Baroness, leave a lasting impression.