This Christmas, skip the carols and head straight for these certified festive bangers instead
Like ’em, hate ’em or blast ’em 24 hours a day as soon as September starts, there’s no getting away from Christmas songs. And we’re not just talking about the classics – Christmas songs are an exhaustive genre, from weird ’40s jingles to brand-new bangers (yes, Sabrina Carpenter’s got one). Whatever gets you feeling festive, you’ll find it on this list.
We are so glad you asked. And you’ve probably guessed it. You’re probably not even mad about it in the slightest. But yes, it’s Mariah Carey’s fabulous festive track, All I Want For Christmas Is You. And hey, she’s pretty high up on our list too. It’s a classic, and she competes with Wham!’s Last Christmas and The Pogues’s Fairytale Of New York for the grand title every year. In our humble opinion, Pogues come out on top. But they’re both bangers.
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Release date: 1988
When was the last time you properly listened to Kirsty MacColl and The Pogues’ epic Big Apple-set fable? Shut your eyes and give it a go, and if you aren’t a nervous wreck by the fade-out, your heart (like that jumper from your nan) is two sizes too small. ‘Fairytale…’ is a perfect four-minute narrative of hope, despair and heartbreak – and, despite the profanity, it ends with love.
Release date: 1994
Yes, she’s become somewhat of a meme in recent years. But they say you can hear Mariah Carey defrosting as soon as it hits September, and the fact of the matter is that this song is about the most sure-fire way to know it’s Christmas (wherever you are). Buying socks in H&M? Mariah’s playing. Perusing gingerbread houses at a Christmas market? She’s on, folks. Watching Love Actually for the fifth time this year? She’s a-comin’ in that last scene. Even if you think you hate this Christmas banger, you actually love it. It wouldn’t be Christmas without it, after all. Mariah, we thank you for your service. Long live this festive tune.
Release date: 2014
Ari didn’t score a Mariah-level megahit with this peppy, upbeat ode to joy, but she came closer than almost any other pop star in the 30-ish years since ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You.’ Unlike Kelly Clarkson – who scored a memorable hit by channeling Darlene Love – Ari’s song fits right in her catalog of bops… meaning you can comfortably transition between this plea to St. Nick and her recent hit about a late-night tantra session with relative ease.
Release date: 1963
A perfect Christmas song has to strike the right balance of melancholy and cheer, because after all, Christmas is all about contradictions. It’s pigs in blankets with a side of family resentment. ‘Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)’ is just the ticket. It’s got jingly bells, a bombastic Motown horn section, lyrics filled with heartbreak and yearning, and some banging vocals by Darlene Love.
Release date: 1993
It’s kind of mad to think Outkast’s first single was a Christmas song. But it was! The duo’s debut Player’s Ball was first released on a compilation album called A LaFace Family Christmas in 1993. Eschewing jingly melodies and any holiday clichés, the song is inspired by the traditional gathering of pimps in Atlanta and broader Southern hip-hop culture with verses like, ‘So, ho-ho, hoes, check my king-ass 'fro / The gin and juice has got me tipsy so.’ How festive.
Release date: 2023
You’ve gotta love Sabrina Carpenter’s stupid take on her hit song Nonsense. Using holiday wordplay and dirty jokes with a holiday twist, (ahem, ‘‘Think I only want you under my mistletoe / I might change your contact to "Has a huge North Pole"’) it’s silly and camp and just a fun song to listen to while getting pissd on Christmas day. You can clearly see why Netflix rewarded her efforts with a holiday special.
Release date: 1970
Feliz Navidad is a criminally underrated Christmas song, despite apparently being one of the most played across the world. It’s been around for years and years, originally released way back in 1970, but its jaunty, cheerful energy has stood the test of time. The trumpets, the classic well-wishes belted in Spanish, the strum of the Puerto Rican cuatro? What a catchy, merry treat. Whack it on your christmas playlists – it’ll really spread the joy.
Release date: 1949
Queen Ella Fitzgerald and King Louis Armstrong are a completely necessary part of every Christmas, IMO. They actually have a whole Christmas album together, but ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ is the absolute classic from their repertoire. A twinkling piano and a double bass are all that’s needed for their soft, mellow harmonies, but wack the whole album on and you’ve got the perfect soundtrack to your Christmas nibbles and cocktails evening.
Release date: 2023
Kurt Vile’s a dreamy, serene sort of dude, known for his softly spangled psych rock – of course his version of ‘Must Be Santa’ is delightful. Written by Hal Moore and Bill Fredericks, ‘Must Be Santa’ is likely best known for Bob Dylan’s very-playful-but-quite-weird 2009 version. Kurt’s tune has him dreamily mumbling along, harmonising and doing the call and response bits with – of all people – his young daughters. Sure, that might sound a little saccharine, but it’s only ever endearing. After all, isn’t family what Christmas is all about?
Release date: 1984
A ballad of doomed romance, ‘Last Christmas’ features sleighbells and synths, plus some truly memorable knitwear in the video. But what really sets ‘Last Christmas’ apart is George Michael’s heart-on-sleeve delivery: his genuine heartbreak horror (‘My God! I thought you were someone to rely on’) and wistful, sexy whispers. The words ‘Merry Christmas’ never sounded so sultry.
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