These are the worst things to order for delivery, ranked

Delivery is one of those things you do when you're wiped, tired, and want something comforting; it's not time to do "the right thing" and eat your greens, so, minus one point off the bat.

Even if you are so inclined to choose this healthier option, salads have a tendency to wilt even if the dressing's on the side, and can become a sopping mess in the dressing is applied. Yes, a few salads out there are worth ordering, but all need to be eaten entirely upon receiving them—exceptions aside, few salads on the greener side age well—and who wants that kind of stress when all you want to do is relax?

Seriously: You don't make friends with salad.

If the pandemic shown us anything, it's the inspiring quality of resilience in chefs who have retooled their famed restaurants into takeout and delivery operations to stay afloat. The keyword here, however, is retooled : Some have prepared cook-it-yourself mealkits (but isn't delivery about the lack of cooking?) and some have applied their skills to more takeout-friendly options.

Here, we're talking about those that haven't. A dish of grilled octopus on polenta, a serving of seared foie gras, or a steak tartare all sound good in principle, but when they've been sitting in a delivery driver's bag for more than 30 minutes? You never sat down in a restaurant, received your meal and only then you waited 30 minutes to eat it, so why start now? Save this category for eating at the restaurant proper.

You're running low on serotonin, you want a pick-me-up, and nothing sounds better than snacking on a bunch of French fries, calamari with a squeeze of lemon or mozza sticks. But the reality seldom meets expectations.

We'll be willing to make certain exceptions for some fried foods, but on the whole, fried food's no good for delivery. Unless it's packed in the most masterful fashion, orders that finally arrive at your table tend to be soggy, congealed messes whose temperatures are a mere shadow of when they first came out of the fryer. No bueno.

That hasn't stopped Americans from ordering fried food for delivery, and we're not here to judge. If you want it, you'll get it; keep the fried dream alive, people.

As much as you may love not having to take the car through drive-thru, we know that the full spectrum of fast food—from Big Macs and Baconators to Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supremes—was meant to be eaten immediately. The genius of fast food is that it's prepared in as little as 10 to 15 minutes, leaving you with plenty of time to eat.

But when it comes to getting it for delivery, the issue is much like fine dining: It simply wasn't meant to be sitting in a delivery bag and travelling across town. Worse still, there's simply no way reheating the stuff, no matter the menu item, will breathe life back into it.

When they're eaten fresh out of the oven, nachos are sublime. The crunch of tortilla chips, the spice of salsa, the salt and pull of the cheese, the bite and flavor you get from toppings like guac, green onion, beef, chicken—all of it. They're great.

When they're NOT coming fresh out of the oven? When they've been sitting in a container, with chips soaking up the juice from every topping placed above them? Not so good. It's a dish that simply can't withstand the test of time and distance, and no amount of time back in the oven can save them.

We're expecting some rampant diasgreement with this one, but hear us out: If a milkshake arrives within a reasonable amount of time, they're exactly what you want. But give them five, maybe ten minutes past that optimal period and they've become sugary milk soup. With that margin of error, it's clear that milkshakes would be better served if picked up for takeout. There's too much at stake to bother with ordering one for delivery, and with added delivery fees, it comes out to as much as a bottle of wine—something that, unlike milkshakes, gets better with age.

Maybe you've got a local spot selling pints with flavors that are out of this world. Great. If you're living across town from their address however, every additional minute it travels—not matter the insulation on a delivery bag—increases the likelihood it will be pint of liquid that won't taste the same after re-freezing. At least milkshakes were meant to be more liquidous.

The average customer can't expect all drivers to be equipped with coolers, either. Muster the strength for direct takeout or a trip to your local convenience store instead.

While the slow-cooked goods of barbecue are perfect for delivery, the same can't be said for steakhouses. Steak as an ingredient is one thing, but steaks on their own? Apart from the high cost of a prime cut of beef getting cooked to order, the risks that come from having it arrive with whichever way you originally wanted it get perilous. Ordering it anywhere from rare to medium rare leaves it to sit steaming in a container, cooking it even futher, and reheating them after they arrive poses the same problem. Even well-done steaks will generally cool to room temp by the time they arrive. 

Sometimes you can't even be bothered to boil water for pasta, so you'd rather get it for delivery. There's only one issue: Once it's been cooked and finished in a heavy sauce like fettucine alfredo or spaghetti bolognese, placed in a bag and brought to you, the noodles have spent that whole time soaking up the sauce it arrived in. If you don't manage to finish it and stick it in the fridge, the noodles turn mushy, and the meal becomes largely inedible. We'll make exceptions for pasta casseroles and salads, but fresh pasta is best enjoyed that way—fresh.

Few foods are worse at travelling than eggs. They have to be served hot and fresh, so stick with having them in the middle of a breakfast burrito or a bacon, egg and cheese if you're deadset on getting them for delivery.

If you plan on ordering them on their own, we'd strongly recommend against it: No matter the way you take them, the time-sensitive nature of getting cooked eggs to your table without too much time passing makes them the worst thing to order for delivery, resulting in cold and rubbery things. They're for the most important meal of the day, so the stakes here are higher.

Sunny-side, over-easy and poached congeal at the center over time, and even hard scrambles, omelettes and ordering them over-hard aren't as good when they've been cooling down in a takeout container. Avoid at all costs; there's so many more better breakfast and brunch dishes to pick from.