I am the last person to agree to go camping. My first (and only) time sleeping outdoors, I had to canoe to my campsite, pitch my own tent and then sleep in it, which I only achieved by heavily medicating with Benadryl (do not recommend it because you’ll be drowsy for your middle-of-the-night bathroom runs, and that’s another unmitigated disaster).
A decade later, it was time to give nature another shot. This time, I would do it under more favorable circumstances and limit the actual time spent outside by booking a stay at Westgate River Ranch Resort & Rodeo, a dude ranch just three hours north of Miami. It would be less The Island with Bear Grylls and more Yellowstone, with better sartorial opportunities too.
Traveling from South Florida is similar to driving to Orlando on the Turkpike, getting off Yeehaw Junction, and taking a state road for the last few miles. It’s rural once you exit the highway, with just a couple of gas stations and a stoplight and miles of pastures to either side. You’ll turn into Westgate and then it’s a short drive to the lodge, past the cluster of glamping accommodations, a cul-de-sac with cabins and the horse stables. We parked and checked in just as we would have done at any hotel, then were handed our key cards and instructed to pick up the golf cart we’d use to get around the property.
The resort’s glamping accommodations—luxe teepees and chuckwagons—were booked for the weekend, so we were booked in a cabin suite. I’d compare it to a standard hotel room, not unlike the Days Inn my family frequented in my youth. There were two double beds, a small kitchen with a sink and mini fridge and a screened-in porch overlooking the tennis courts. It wasn’t glamorous, but I appreciated the rustic charm and was grateful for the air conditioning unit and ceiling fan—both are very necessary in Florida, even in the winter. The fridge also came in handy when we realized our cooler filled with ice was too heavy to bring up a flight of stairs to the second floor. Again, campers, we are not.
Things to do at Westgate River Ranch
No idle hands on the ranch! You’ll find a myriad of ways to stay busy, both indoors and out. From the former category, you have your choice of an escape room, a game room, an activity center (also where you pick up your free craft kit for kids) and the Main Hall, which is where the outdoor movie was held on our first night because it poured, Florida-style. Those looking to stay active can bring or rent bikes to scoot around the property, play tennis and horseshoes and try rock climbing. There’s also skeet shooting, mini golf and archery, as well as catch-and-release fishing. We did none of these things, but they looked fun!
My husband and I took turns going on a 45-minute horseback ride through the meadow while the other drove around in a golf cart to entertain our toddler. Swinging one leg over the saddle, he was off on his single-file line of domesticated horses, who made their way around a small lake and through a small canopy of trees adorned with broken saddles. According to cowboy culture, throwing out a saddle is bad luck, so instead, the team retires them here, hanging them off stumps and branches. It’s spooky and ominous and distracted me from my slow, meandering horse, which I appreciated.
We followed it with a lap around the petting zoo, where we saw an emu, various baby goats and some well-fed pigs. Then, we booked it to the docks for an airboat ride through the Kissimmee River. I can’t tell you the last time I went on one of these, and always considered them to be a gimmicky tourist activity but I loved it. Seeing the expansive marshes and zooming past mangroves was exactly the only-in-Florida experience I hoped for at Westgate. Most activities should be booked in advance and incur an additional cost. For instance, airboat rides are $35 to $45 per person for 40 minutes, while horseback riding is $50 to $60 for 45 minutes.
Booking for the right dates is important
The biggest mistake you can make when staying at Westgate is booking for the wrong dates. We were there Sunday through Tuesday, which meant we missed the Saturday night rodeo and cowboy dinner hayride. Barbecue restaurant Smokejouse on the River is also closed on weekdays, so your dining choices are limited. The River Ranch Cattle Co. Chop House & Bar—the main restaurant—the Coffee Corral, a basic shop that serves sandwiches, breakfast items and ice cream; and Rodeo Ray’s Pizza are open daily. We had several meals at the Chop House and enjoyed them all, but we would have liked another sit-down option.
The Saloon operates on Fridays and Saturdays and features line dancing and a live band. Plan ahead to make the most of your experience or you’ll wind up sitting around like we did. However, it could be argued that sitting around after a hectic holiday was the pause we needed.
A ranch for the digital age
Westgate takes the guesswork out of ranch life. Guests receive a list of activities with updated hours of operation and location information. Registration is available via QR code, so you can make them on the fly too. There’s even a mobile app you can download, or you can opt to receive text messages from the front desk and keep in touch that way.
I was fully connected during my stay, but Westgate still thrust me into cowboy life. I had steak for all my meals, threw back a bourbon around the campfire and spent more time on a horse than I had since childhood. To that end, I was fortunate to experience a side of Florida I hadn’t seen since my elementary school field trips to the Everglades. I can’t say I’ll be racing back to the woods soon, but I can credit Westgate with a new outlook on camping.
