Ever checked out the toys at a sex shop and thought, "Why aren't any of these plated in gold?"
Well, Gwyneth Paltrow has got your back (or bottom). The actress-turned-lifestyle-writer's weekly newsletter goop released its new sex issue this week, which included a line of "Not-So-Basic Sex Toys." The list of items includes a $535 whip, a $156 vibrator that's controlled by an app and a $139 cock ring. But the most head-turning item on Paltrow's list of suggestions is a $15,000 dildo from LELO.
Advertised as the "world's most exclusive massager," the pleasure wand is plated in 24-karat gold (there's also a stainless steel option for $7,900 for any cheapskates out there). So if you're into having luxurious orgasm after luxurious orgasm, you should probably order now.
LELO offers free three-day "discreet" shipping, so your nosy neighbors will never have any idea that you're getting off by way of a device that costs more than a brand-new Hundai Accent.
It's not surprising the Shakespeare in Love star is recommending an incredibly pricey sex toy—she has a record of having little to no understanding of the value of a dollar. Remember that one time she tried to live on food stamps for a week, but wasted most of her allotted $29 on organic vegetables?
If $15,000 is a bit out of your price range, Gwyneth also recommends a set of $395 vibrating nipple clamps, which sounds like a great spend. If you think that the she's getting a bit ahead of herself, remember that she has a goddamn Oscar.
Come to think of it, that Oscar looks a little like...