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[title]The pair behind Newtown’s plant boutique Plant Daddy are taking a leaf out of the glossy pages of the noughties most notorious sealed section, Dolly Doctor. But the questions they’re answering aren’t of the human health and sex ed variety – like “How do I put in a tampon?” or “Is it wrong to sleep with my blood relative?” (those were some wild times). These green-thumbed agony uncles are here to help with the most pressing plant parent questions they’re often asked by panicked customers.
Got bugs in your bush? Is it too dry or too wet down there (in the soil)? Are you struggling to close the book on a troubled plant relationship? Step into the shoes of a miscellaneous “Anon” and under the calming canopy of foliage care created by Trent and Charlie Wu, the aforementioned Plant Daddies, as they root out the remedies to your most embarrassing foliage follies. It’s time to get properly rooted.
Recommended: 7 low-maintenance indoor plants that you probably won't kill.
Photograph: Supplied/Plant Daddy
Five indoor plant problems and how to fix them
1. Help! I’ve got a WAP (Wet Ass Plant)
While by many accounts a WAP is a good and healthy thing (setting the unverified opinions of one Ben Shapiro aside), a Wet Ass Plant is often not a good sign. We can’t stress this enough – do not over-water. Use a chopstick or a dry piece of something to check the soil; get in about halfway', and if it comes out sticky like it has been dipped in a wet cake batter do not water, if it's dry then it's OK to water. If your plant baby has a wet bottom, let it dry out by placing it in some bright light (if the type of plant can tolerate the amount of light). Less is more with watering – it's often easier to recover a plant from underwatering than it might be from overwatering.
2. Help! I’ve got creepy crawlies in my you-know-where!
Oh, drat! It’s gnats. Fungus gnats are those pesky little flying insects you see late at night when scrolling on Instagram. These little flying buggers are attracted to damp soil, they snack on the organic matter that is breaking down from potentially overwatering. Quick treatment can be allowing the soil to dry out, as well as using some home remedies – one we like is equal parts dish soap, apple cider vinegar and water in a dish beside the infested plant. There are many topical treatments on the market, we like Neem and Karanja Oil ($30+) as well as Gnat Bat ($35) – both are available at plantdaddy.com.au.
3. Help! She’s having a dry spell!
Dry leaves can be a result of too little water, humidity, or even if it's too sunny. It's super important to check each of these when you notice your plant may be suffering from dry leaves. For example, a calathea is a fussy queen! They really love some nice humidity, think bathroom, and they enjoy a nice amount of nice bright, in-direct light. But if they get too much light and too little humidity, you best call the funeral home as your calathea is ready for cremation.
4. Help! It’s not a grower, it’s a shower!
Slow growth got ya? Ok, when was the last time you fed your beloved plant bae? Hmmm, not sure? Well, it's super important to make sure your bae has the right amount of nutrients in order for it to live to its full potential. Remember, we're talking living plants. It takes a lot more than putting them in cute pots and bringing them inside. If the plant doesn't get the right amount of light, water, humidity, temperature and nutrients it won't live its best life. Some simple plant care products will seriously go a long way to ensure the happy, healthy life of your plant. It might sound super stressful trying to make sure these factors are all optimum, but plenty of planty folks have done the hard work for you. We stock plant care books ($25-$50) and plant care products ($13-$38) to help you understand and tent to your plants’ needs. You can always ask us or your local plant nursery for advice too.
5. Help! I think it’s time to break it off?
If the plant is dried to a crisp, seriously over-watered with yucky roots that are rotting, or a major pest infestation is damaging the plant – grab a shovel, it’s time to dig your beloved plant a grave and deliver it to the great beyond.