We spoke with the notorious feminist writer the demonisation of single womanhood, her next book, and Sydney’s “intimidating” public transport system.
This year the Sydney Opera House dropped what they called the biggest All About Women festival yet. Some 22 talks and workshops took place under the iconic building’s white sails on Sunday, March 12 – bookmarked by an Opening Night Gala headlined by Eryn-Jean Norvill (star of STC’s The Picture of Dorian Gray) on Saturday, March 11, and a concert by feminist punk pioneers Bikini Kill on Monday, March 13.
An annual festival of ideas like this can often operate as a compass that illuminates the biggest social conversations of the past year, and points towards where we’re heading next. In 2023, the festival continued to push the envelope of more inclusive representation, welcoming trans and non-binary people onto panels to join in on discussions about gender and power. Two talks that drew the biggest crowds were Actually Autistic, a panel prompted by the rising awareness of how autism presents in women and non-binary people, and Jennette McCurdy: I’m Glad My Mom Died, an Australian exclusive conversation with the best-selling author and former child star.
The Opera House was a bustling and invigorating place to be on Sunday, with the conversations that you’d strike up with strangers in the lift or while waiting for coffee being some of the best moments. It was inspiring to participate in, also a privilege – and, also, kinda overwhelming! Many of the talks clashed and overlapped. If you were able to afford the admission fee (which, after the booking fee, added up to nearly $40 per session), you’d be faced with a Sophie's Choice of engaging in one feminist topic over another. You’d need to quietly sneak out early from one panel to make it to the next, which might be on the other side of the building (and the other side of a throng of people in colourful statement outfits). Thank goodness for the quiet space. We hope that next year we can look forward to a program that’s just as 'big', but hopefully at a more leisurely pace.
Here are our most memorable moments and takeaways from All About Women 2023:
Accommodations are good for everyone
If you've ever been in a position where you needed help but were too afraid to ask because you didn't want to be a burden, so you just suffered in silence, then welcome to the life of someone living with a disability. But as equity, accessibility and workplace or study accommodations continue to infiltrate our culture, many are finding that what benefits one actually has a positive effect on everyone.
In one example, on the Actually Autistic panel, Chloé Hayden spoke about how the creators of the Netflix reboot of Heartbreak High asked her about any accommodations they could make for her on set, as well as consulting with her on developing her character on the show, Quinni, who is also Autistic. She said this made it easier for her castmates to advocate for their own needs, and contributed to a more comfortable working environment. And we’re willing to bet, this had an impact on why the series is so damn great. –Chantel Le Cross, they/them
Reality TV teaches us about the kinds of love we do – and don’t – deserve
Reality telly – you either love it or hate it, and depending on what camp you’re pitched in, the divide between the two increases when it’s reality TV about love, à la The Bachelor and Married at First Sight. It’s undeniable though: as a culture we are reality TV-obsessed – MAFS draws in close to two million viewers nationally per episode – but why are we watching it? What does this say about us? And, does it really need to say anything at all? These were some of the questions explored during Finding Love in a Hopeless Place, a discussion hosted by actor and playwright Nakkiah Lui (she/her), featuring writer and Just The Gist podcast host (and notorious Bachie recapper) Rosie Waterland (she/her) and Australia’s first bisexual and First Nations Bachelorette, Brooke Blurton (she/her).
The three women agreed that we flock to reality TV for several reasons: it’s community viewing, and it can make you feel part of a collective; on a basic human level we love gossip and entertainment; the shows often reflects what we have been through in our own lives; and well, some people really do love love (Roxane Gay calls dating shows “modern day fairytales”).
Naturally, toxic behaviour was also discussed. When we’re being told that these 'Bachelors' are the pinnacle of desirability, and yet they demonstrate everything that’s wrong with modern-day dating: cheating, gaslighting, belittling – what are we meant to think? Waterland says the one positive from the rise of reality TV, though, is how much we have learnt about toxic behaviour and red flags, and how we’re now able to identify and call it out in our own lives (for example, the term ‘gaslighting’ wasn’t in mainstream vernacular a decade ago). She urges us to consume these types of content with a critical lens, and to think deeper about it, so we can go forward and demand more in our pursuit of love in the real world.
Lui, however, leaves us with a cliffhanger to ponder on: why do we have to apply a critical lens to everything women enjoy, when men don’t do the same? Perhaps two things can be true. Happy viewing, and pass the popcorn, please. –Avril Treasure, she/her
“Autistic” is not a slur
In Australia, Autistic people make up roughly 2.5 per cent of the population. Yet, society has a long way to go in understanding and acceptance of this neurodevelopmental disorder, especially when it comes to women. Nearly 80 per cent of women are mis- or undiagnosed, and, if you love statistics, we’ve got plenty for you. Research psychologist and autistic activist Dr Jac den Houting (they/them) highlighted the grim statistics of the lives of autistic women in Australia. Eighty seven per cent suffer from mental illness, 80 per cent are more likely to experience sexual harassment, and are nine times more likely to die from suicide. In fact, the average life expectancy of an Autistic person in Australia is 35. And if you are trans, these statistics become even more concerning. The key takeaway from these statistics is that it is not Autism killing Autistic people – it is the continued marginalisation, discrimination and lack of support services available to them.
But the Actually Autistic panellists weren’t there to just info-dump statistics. Instead, they provided a wonderful representation of just how brilliant being, knowing and loving Autistic people can be. Actually Autistic host Dr Amy Thunig (she/they) and Dr Jac den Houting acknowledged their autism makes them brilliant researchers; actor and author Chloé Hayden (she/her) explained how Autistic people were born to be amazing actors; and activist Grace Tame (she/her) revealed the power and joy of finding community. Autism is not a slur; it's not a death sentence, and a diagnosis can actually be an incredibly positive experience for someone, providing them with the community, understanding and support they deserve. –Chantel Le Cross
Society is (still) terrified of leaving women to our own devices
We can know, logically, that the pervasive misogyny that filters into our lives has a long legacy. But sometimes, a good slideshow presentation can really awaken you to just how conservative, oppressive opinions and rules regarding women have barely changed since “darker times”. And in her talk Spinster, Clementine Ford gave us just that.
Ford is able to draw a distinct throughline between the 150-year-odd legacy of witch hunts and trials, as well as the backlash to the Suffragette movement, to how women – especially childless women, or unmarried older women – are still treated with suspicion and belittled today. Ford’s research, which also informs her forthcoming book A Case Against Marriage (due out in October), also illustrates the argument that single, childless women are othered because they don’t neatly fit into the patriarchal, nuclear family complex of Western capitalist society.
But the bit that really got me, is where she illustrated how society still treats women’s relationships with other women (or non-men) as suspicious. If we identify and work to not maintain social expectations and behavioural patterns that harm us, it can be isolating. If we then find a like-minded person to grow a relationship with (whether romantic or platonic), founded on exploring new ways of being, people who have been in our life for a long time can see that relationship as challenging, colluding and troublesome. And that’s old fashioned misogyny for you. –Alannah Maher, she/her
“You’re too pretty to be disabled” (or “fat”, or “Black”) is not a compliment
I feel like this goes without saying, but sadly, proud disabled woman and activist Elly Desmarchelier reminded us that we live in a world where this line of conversation exists. We live in a world where beauty is defined by a narrow ideal, and where the intersections of people's identities and oppression must be erased for the comfort and acceptance of wider society. In Bodies that Positivity Left Behind, a conversation around how to navigate other people’s comfort when it comes to how we handle our own bodies and beauty came to a resounding singular consensus that fashion icon Deni Todorvic succinctly stated: “If you’re not losing sleep over it, shut the fuck up!”. And to be honest, if you are losing sleep over who can wear a dress, be on the cover of Vogue, or just exist in their fat body, then you may want to ask yourself what you’re trying to avoid confronting within yourself at the expense of just letting people exist. –Chantel Le Cross
You don’t need to be the smartest in the room, but the most curious
The push and pull of being a considered spokesperson, for better or worse, was echoed throughout the panel Who Made Me Spokesperson? moderated by model, entertainer and musical theatre star Milo Hartill (she/they).
Dr Yves Rees (they/them) grapples with being a ‘spokesperson’ on trans rights. In fact, the award-winning writer says their expertise lies elsewhere (they hold a PhD in history). However, Rees acknowledges that they are seen as a ‘palatable’ trans person. As such, they have the power to communicate radical ideas and messages to people who otherwise may not hear them. Though ultimately, they feel it’s negative to have a whole diverse group of people represented by one voice, as we can’t be all the things to all the people, and we’re all flawed humans. Instead, they say we need communities to come together to do the work.
Activist, writer and First Nations woman Vanessa Turnbull-Roberts (she/her) said that for her, there was no choice whether she would or wouldn’t stand up for the fights of her people. She added that while at times it’s been a pain, touching on the fact that, two years ago, she was unlawfully arrested, as well as seeing the devastation that is still happening today around the country to First Nations peoples, it’s a privilege to be able to step up and support – and adds that we should all use our privilege for good.
Forget spokespersons, Clementine Ford says we can all create change – all we need to do is get through the fear and see ourselves as someone with agency who can do something. She adds that a lack of curiosity is one of the main barriers to a lack of progress, and that you don’t need to be the smartest in the room, but the most curious, to help build a better world. This can look like listening, learning, standing up for what’s right, and being an ally to all humans – no matter the path they are on. –Avril Treasure
We are stronger together
If there was one resounding message from All About Women this year, it’s that women and gender-diverse people are stronger together. If you look around the last few years and wonder if we’re going backwards when it comes to the rights and dignity of those who are not given automatic membership to the patriarchy, that’s a valid experience. But a disabled woman asking for affordable healthcare, Indigenous and Black women asking for justice for police violence, a Trans woman asking for a right to exist, an older woman asking to be visible, a Muslim woman asking for a right to choose, a non-binary person asking for inclusive language, or a young person asking to be taken seriously – they are not your enemy. The rights of one do not and should not come at the expense of others.
As Clementine Ford stated in Who Made Me a Spokesperson?: “We may not get to experience the wonder of the work we do today.” So don’t let that be the reason you deny someone a future. –Chantel Le Cross
If you’re going to tick a box, remember it’s part of a bigger list
In the aftermath of Sydney WorldPride and having our city covered in rainbows, seeing more diverse bodies in our fashion magazines, and a higher number of female CEOs, it’s easy to think that we’ve made some progress. But quite often, we’re merely asking vulnerable and marginalised people to enter spaces that are not made for them, and actively working against their quality of life for the sake of the appearance of equity and diversity. Tokenistic visibility is better than nothing at all, but it's the first step. If you’re someone brought into a conversation because of your identity, be sure to advocate for others who aren't there and bring them into the conversation with you. If you’re going to tick a box, remember to finish the list. People are fighting just to exist, let alone to be part of the conversation. –Chantel Le Cross
We shouldn’t wait for festivals like this to find our community
Those passing chats in the slow-moving elevator got me thinking about more than the hits and misses of the panel that I and another festival-goer just raced out of. I also got thinking about how I need more of this in my life. We need places to prompt intellectual, affirmative, uncomfortable conversations – especially as feminists, women, and as queer people. And not on an alcohol-soaked dance floor, or in a random meeting tinged with a vague but ever-present fear that you're about to be roped into someone's MLM. All About Women inspired me to find people and places like this before International Women’s Day rolls around next year.
It’s time to stop umming and ahhing about trying out my local roller derby brigade’s learn-to-skate classes, an event at the women’s library, or hosting a themed book club with like-minded friends who can invite their like-minded friends. Sure, I’ve been burned before. I’ve showed up to “community-centric” events that have felt more like a tight clique charging the rest of us to uncomfortably bear witness, I’ve sought kinship in a feminist group only to find that TERFs and SWERFs really do be out there (and that their harmful rhetoric is something I’m not about). But the good ones are out there, and I felt the spark of new-friend meet-cutes under those Opera House sails.
–Alannah Maher
