There’s nothing more sapphic than yearning. The internet age is ripe for it, too. Meeting a stranger you’ve never seen in real life and falling head over heels for them is just about the gayest thing you could do. (Aside from, maybe, threatening to blow up the world over a failed relationship.)
The global debut of Flat Earthers: The Musical is as sapphic as it gets. Two young lovers meet through a screen – Ria (Shannen Alyce Quan) is a “Debunker”, a member of an exclusive clique of YouTube stars devoted to debunking conspiracy theories and putting weirdos in their place. But Ria’s values are called into question when she e-meets Flick (Manali Datar). The pair of star-cross’d lesbians quickly go from sliding into the DMs to falling into analogue love. The thing is, Flick lives in a bunker with her two mums – Fiona/Ma and Freya/Mum (Lena Cruz and Amanda McGregor) – who’ve brought her underground because, well, they’re flat-earthers. (Read: they firmly, frantically believe that the government is hiding the fact that the Earth is flat.)
With huge energy, an unapologetic commitment to being chronically online, and wheezing laughs, Flat Earthers is best described as batshit crazy
Written and composed by Jean Tong, Lou Wall and James Gale, this new Australian musical is absolutely, fabulously, committed to the bit. The writing trio have a number of impressive credits between them, including Netflix hit Heartbreak High (Tong); Romeo is Not the Only Fruit (featuring yet more star-cross’d lesbians, by Gale and Tong); ABC TV’s WTFAQ (Gale and Wall); and Wall's own critically-acclaimed catalog of internet-obsessed, AV-heavy musical stand-up comedy, including That One Time I Joined the Illuminati, and more recently The Bisexual’s Lament.
Flat Earthers isn’t the first outing for any of the creators’ mutual obsessions for queer internet shenanigans, but it’s probably the most ridiculous one yet. With much of the team heavily influenced by Fangirls (which is currently finding a new legion of pop-musical fans in London) and Yve Blake’s “church meets rave” approach to musical theatre, you could say that Flat Earthers feels a bit like Fangirls, all grown-up.
This high-camp internet love story is a collaboration between Griffin Theatre Company (Sydney’s home of new Australian writing) and the Hayes Theatre Co (Sydney’s home of new Australian musicals), and directed by Griffin’s artistic director Declan Greene (who is behind Time Out Sydney Arts & Culture Award winner The Lewis Trilogy, and nominee Blaque Showgirls).
The music is brilliantly chaotic, with everything from club bangers to tender, yearning, belting ballads. Greene directs a formidable cast, featuring Michelle Brasier (of Aunty Donna and Average Bear fame) as the gloriously wounded villain, Mz Prism (among other hilarious bit parts), who takes the high C in the first act and much of the ballad-ing in the second. Quan (Little Women, The Dismissal, Fangirls) and Datar (Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, White Pearl, Fangirls) as the fiercely opinionated lovers are the perfect mix of sweet and savage. Milo Hartill (Black, Fat and F**gy, Fangirls) and Zarif (Choir Boy) play a number of bit parts, including Mz Prism’s head minions, and their combined comedy chops make for some hilarious (and sometimes even moving) asides.
Hartill and Brasier are highlights, bringing powerhouse vocals and a twisted dedication to each of their characters. But with such lyrical gems as “Can’t, sorry, I’m pinging” and “We’re the dumbest c*nts in the world”, every character gets more than one opportunity to shine in Flat Earthers. Most of the time, this works in the musical’s favour, but the second act does become a bit overstuffed – there are a number of highly emotional ballads, and quite a big character arc crammed in. It makes for a somewhat exhausting experience that leaves you reeling, then picking yourself back up to jump into yet another big number.
There’s a fantastic team behind the stage, too. Brockman – it’s just Brockman, like Madonna – (of Constellations, Overflow, Ride The Cyclone and countless others) on set and lighting design, Fetu Taku choreographing, and Jude Perl as both musical director and the sole musician (A Very Jewish Christmas Carol, Share House: The Musical). Brockman’s set and lighting, accompanied by Xanthe Dobbie and Daniel Herten’s video design, does a lot of heavy lifting to bring the world of the internet onto the stage. Two interlocking arches take centrestage, lit up by emojis, text messages, memes, and other insanity. Between the arches, a huge white fringe curtain becomes various internet backdrops, as spotlights reveal characters through this imaginary screen. For the Illuminati scenes (of course) there is more than the appropriate amount of green, triangles, and lasers. These images and whacky internet sounds (also by Herten) are as chaotic and overwhelming as a three-hour scroll session through TikTok.
With huge energy, an unapologetic commitment to being chronically online, and more than its fair share of wheezing laughs, Flat Earthers: The Musical is best described as batshit crazy. Whether you think that’s a good thing or not could depend on whether you grew up with Alanis Morrissette, internalised homophobia, two mums, a smartphone, or a dial-up internet connection. This might be the silliest musical, and the most disarmingly compassionate depiction of internet conspiracy theorists, you’ll see this year. Don’t leave yourself *yearning* after a ticket.
Flat Earthers: The Musical is playing at Hayes Theatre Co, Elizabeth Bay (near Kings Cross), until November 9. Find tickets and more details over here.
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