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[title]Thanks to a certain global state of affairs that has had us living most of our lives through a screen, sex and relationships look a little different for most people right now. Whether you’re navigating (or avoiding) the socially distanced online dating scene, cohabitating with an intimate partner, or getting reacquainted with your own body and desires, lockdown and all the accompanying bad juju have had an enormous impact on the ways in which we express ourselves intimately.
So how do you get your groove back amidst this big ol’ funk? We aren't professionally qualified to answer that for you, but we found someone who is. We spoke to sexpert Georgia Grace, a certified sex coach who is also part of the team behind Aussie sexual wellness brand Normal, to get her top tips for getting your groove back post-lockdown.
Recommended: Vax and the city: how sex, love and intimacy feel different now.
Five ways to relaunch your libido
1. Seek support
The first thing that I always like to start off with is professional support. Whether that is professional support in mental health, or sexual health, just reaching out so that you're getting the individual service that you need. There are also things that you can do for yourself, like journaling, or if there is a great book by a therapist or an expert that you trust, is sex-positive and has some great ideas, then engaging with that. Or it could be speaking with someone who you trust, who can hold space for you, and who can support you with this inquiry, whether that's a friend, or a loved one, so that you're having the opportunity to talk something through.
2. Figure out your personal ‘normal’
Everyone has a different idea of what a normal libido is for them. If you can, figure out that baseline and look at maybe what has impacted that. Are there any triggers, like a pandemic, or like stress or financial uncertainty, that have had an impact on you and your desire for sex?
3. Make two lists
Get really clear of all of those things that are a turn-off or that take you out of your body and write them down. Then, write a list of everything that does support you in feeling sexually confident, or does support you in feeling turned on or excited. Gather all of those accelerators. Have a look at these two lists and have a think: ‘What can I do to eliminate some of these brakes, and bring in more of these accelerators?’
4. Find pleasure in the everyday
Often, I'll ask clients ‘What brings you pleasure?’ And for some people, this might seem like a really simple question, but for others, it actually is incredibly tricky to think about this. Do things every day, big or small, sexual or non-sexual, to invite pleasure into your life, so that you can really normalise what that looks like. This also brings feeling good front of mind.
5. Take control
Another process that I’m working through with a lot of my clients at the moment is how they can create a sense of safety and a sense of control for themselves. Feeling safe and in control in a time that is incredibly uncertain is one way to come back to your body and have awareness, and to have some control over regulating how your nervous system feels.
Need some tools for the trade? Here are the best sex shops in Sydney that deliver discreetly to your door.
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You can follow Georgia Grace on Instagram at @gspot._. If you’re interested in more direction on navigating sex with others, check out The Modern Guide to Sex ($29) an online sex-ed course from Georgia Grace and Normal, which includes a workbook of practical exercises. If you’re playing solo, check out Georgia’s book The Pleasure Journal ($35) a colourful, illustrated diary about sexual wellness and orgasmic potential for vulva owners.