The Marvin Glazed burger from Burger Point
Photograph: Supplied/Burger Point
Photograph: Supplied/Burger Point

The most OTT burgers in Sydney

These belly-busting burgs are the zero-f*cks-given feed we need right now

Maxim Boon
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When it comes to culinary oneupmanship, there is perhaps no medium more perfect for showboating chefs than the hamburger. Taking the simple formula of a patty in a bun to bizarre new heights, the most audacious examples are towering stacks that seem to flip the bird to gravity, moderation, and the line between the main course and dessert.

Despite being a town with a reputation for healthy living, there are some truly gut-busting burgers to be found in Sydney. These are feeds that defy human anatomy, and to take a bite you’d need to unhinge your jaw like a python. How they go from plate to stomach is a choose-your-own-adventure situation – but there is one thing you can be sure of, your taste buds won’t care how ruined your shirt is once these unapologetically wild flavour combos are sitting in your belly.

Still hungry? Treat yo' self to some of Sydney's very best doughnuts.

Sydney's most OTT burgers

When something this wrong turns out to be so right, you know the burger gods were smiling on the Wentworth kitchen that came up with it. The contents of this sweet-savory tug-o-war aren’t particularly surprising – two smashed beef patties; pickles; American cheese; and special sauce. So far, so normal. It’s the bun where the real Frankensteinery begins. The crown of this milk brioche is glazed like a doughnut, sprinkled with candied bacon bits, and then to really confuse your palate, covered with a generous sprinkle of sharp and biting grated cheddar. It’s like sugar and salt had a secret love child. If you think it sounds like a lot, trust us, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

Australia and Canada share two things in common: we both have the same queen, and after sampling this ode to the Great White North’s best comfort foods, we’re now also obsessed with poutine. In addition to a layer of Canada’s national dish – hot chips smothered in a rich meat gravy and sprinkled with cheese – you’ll also find a beef patty, American cheese, maple-glazed streaky bacon and a slathering of maple aioli. Created by the burger whisperers at Bar Luca, who recently won a gong for NSW’s best burg, this is a mighty meal fit for a Mountie. The toasted brioche bun does an admirable job of maintaining some structural integrity… for about 10 seconds, so maybe don’t wear your Sunday best when you’re tucking into this one.

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If you’re an all-or-nothing kind of person, this titan is the burger for you. This is by far the biggest mouthful at Stockmans, which is really saying something – this Dee Why burger bar is slinging some of the most outrageously artery-clogging creations in town. Its epic list of ingredients has everything but the kitchen sink: double wagyu patties, a fried chicken patty, American cheese, cheese sauce, bacon, caramelised bacon, fries, waffle fries, deep-fried onion rings, pickles, aioli, truffle mayo, and Stockmans' special sauce, all sandwiched between a milk bun. At $29.50, this is the most spenno meal on our list, but since you probably won’t need to eat again for several months after polishing one of these off, it’s actually kind of a bargain.

Here’s one for the more adventurous burger seeker. This monster mashup between a conventional cheeseburger and a peanut butter and jelly (jam) sandwich really shouldn’t work, but somehow, and don’t ask us how, it does. It just does. On top of a prime beef patty, American cheese, maple bacon and fries, you’ll find a generous dollop of smooth peanut butter and a smear of jam mayo. Most perplexing of all, a sprinkling of pickled jalapeños is the thing that brings this wrestling match of flavours together – the tang of the vinegar bridging the tartness of the jam and the richness of the meat. This certainly won’t be for everyone, but Burgers Anonymous is one of Sydney’s MVPs when it comes to top shelf fast-casual dining, so be sure to check out the rest of its menu.

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Go big or go home is the philosophy at Cheatday, and with three kinds of beef, this burger certainly makes good on that promise. This Philly cheesesteak burger, with Angus steak and smoked beef brisket, is finished off with a generous helping of grilled onions, capsicum and Cheatday’s special sauce. If that’s not enough to satisfy you, Cheatday’s desserts, including the legendary cheesecake pavlova and its Biscoff custard tart, are guaranteed to put you in a food coma.

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