The Goni's Schnitzelria

The schnitzels here are the stuff of dreams. Forget about dainty fillets you nibble at with knife and fork. These behemoths are sumo-sized. And only $22. Head down to the basement level beneath Marrickville Tavern and you’ll find schnitzel city.

Downstairs is awash with bright lights, RSL club-style seating and a couple of high stools for walk-ins. Order at the counter and they’ll deliver to your table. Self-serve cutlery, sauces and napkins are at the front. Weekends tend to be chock-full with massive group gatherings. Head over earlier in the week if you don’t want to eat with a room full of kids, otherwise a jug of sangria (their full license includes wines, beers and cider) should help.

There are fifteen schnitzel variations on the menu, starting with the classic parmigiana, mushroom and green peppercorn sauce. But there’s nothing sacred when it comes to the stuff they’ll put on schnitzels here. Anything goes. If you think things are starting to get a little crazy with the boscaiola and the Aussie (ham, fried eggs, beetroot and cheese), wait until you see the Mexican (beans, guacamole, melted cheese and sour cream) and the marinara (garlic prawns and fried calamari rings on top).

They do some crafty food-styling here so it looks like you’ve scored the world’s biggest chicken breast. Actually, they’ve secretly pieced together three or four chicken schnitzel breasts beneath a blanket of melted cheese. Sneaky but still impressive. If chicken’s not your style, they’ve got veal, pork and lamb. Every carnivore’s covered.

Common sense tells you that it’s best to share. Bragging rights and greed means you probably won’t, even if it does feel like you’ve inadvertently signed up to a competitive eating competition. They’ve got takeaway boxes if you fail. Most people seem to take away more than they’ve eaten.

If schnitzels don’t float your boat, they’ve got burgers and steak sandwiches too. The seafood platter says it’ll feed two but there’s probably enough for four: overloaded with mussels, prawns, fried fish, calamari rings and chips. They throw in a couple of South American dishes as well, like paella, Spanish potato omelette and a huge hunk of asado marinated beef ribs with chorizo. But really, who doesn't love a giant schnitzel?