If one major theme emerged from Sunday’s All About Women festival it was anger: not wanting to put up with the status quo, and taking action today in order to create a better, perhaps less angry, tomorrow. Time Out attended five talks at the seventh All About Women festival at Sydney Opera House. Here’s what we’re still thinking about today.
1. We need better representation in parliament and more women’s issues on the agenda
Curator Edwina Throsby introduced the panel talk Leading While Female as the fastest-selling talks and ideas event in the Concert Hall ever. The room was buzzing with excitement as journalist and chair Jacqueline Maley introduced former deputy leader of the Liberal Party, Julie Bishop; Greens senator Sarah Hanson-Young (the youngest woman to be elected to federal parliament); Linda Burney, member of the House of Representatives; and Julia Banks, independent MP and lawyer.
What began as a jovial interview with tongue-in-cheek questions about what each woman was wearing on their first day in Parliament House grew more tense as Maley probed Bishop for her (honest) opinions of how the Liberal Party views women, both in and out of politics. In the same week that our prime minister stated he’d like women to rise, but not at the expense of others, Bishop remained diplomatic in regards to her party members and the controversial statements they’ve made throughout her 20-year career.
“I was determined not to be defined by my gender,” said Bishop about the beginning of her career, just as Burney shared she didn’t want to be defined by her Aboriginality. “I remember coming down the elevator to see a massive picture of Captain Cook landing,” she said. “Now they do Welcome to Country.”
Photograph: Prudence Upton
Banks and Hanson-Young were more candid; the Greens senator talked about how she realised that she should “dress like myself and not a middle-aged man” and Banks said that even though the corporate world had made some progress with its parental leave policies and affirmative action, “It was like the Liberal Party had stopped in time.”
Bishop did admit to her party’s “gender deafness” around the cabinet table – a sentiment shared by many in the room when it came to her ideas going unheard, only for a man in the room to repeat the idea moments later and be welcomed. It was a relatable moment, as was Bishop’s vulnerability when she said that, yes, she did feel lonely across politics generally. “It’s not a place for making deep friendships,” she admitted. “Men and women have different leadership styles. Women are very good at building teams, empathy. Men are more transactional, hold people to account. The more diversity, the better the outcome for the country.”
Hanson-Young, who was slut-shamed in parliament by senator David Leyonhjelm, said that “over the years the behaviour in the room has worsened. The idea that bullying is simply part of the rough and tumble of politics is wrong. The part we’re missing is that the public want us to behave better. It’s in the blokes’ interest to be better.”
The panelists discussed the pros and cons of quota systems and targets for increasing the number of women in parliament. “In the current projections it will take until the 22nd century to reach parity,” says Bishop, who prefers targets to quotas. Banks disagreed, saying, “the quota system is the only thing that can work,” and Burney added, “At the end of the day, parliaments should reflect the people we’re representing.”
A highlight of the Q&A was one question about the skills each MP would advise women to develop to prepare them for a position in power. “I soon learned that if you’re trying to be a man it is a waste of a woman,” said Bishop. “Be clear about what you believe and know when to listen,” said Hanson-Young. “Authenticity – people see right through marketing campaigns,” said Banks. And Burney: “The most powerful thing you can be is yourself.”
Photograph: Prudence Upton
2. The future of feminism is now – and it needs to be intergenerational
In the Future of Feminism, editor of The Saturday Paper, Maddison Connaughton, asked the panelists what their first experiences of feminism were, whether they learned about feminism at school, if there is a generational divide in the movement – and importantly, how they would shape the future of feminism to be more inclusive, more empathetic and less divisive.
British stylist Ayishat Akanbi, who grew up as “one of two black people in my school in Southampton”, joined the first African Union Youth Envoy and the youngest diplomat at the African Union, Aya Chebbi, and Indigenous Australian youth activist, artist, and former prime minister of the National Indigenous Youth Parliament, Aretha Brown.
“I didn’t get the privilege of deciding to be into politics,” said Brown. “Being Aboriginal is political.” She told the story of her Gumbaynggirr grandmother who was taken away from her community and made to become a house maid to a dentist in Bondi. “The past shapes our future, so it’s important to look back. I speak because she didn’t get to speak.”
Chebbi, who lives in Tunisia, said she started blogging out of frustration with the mainstream media referring to the uprising in the Middle East in 2010 as ‘the Arab Spring’. “I was owning my own narrative, my own voice,” she said. “That narrative is a Western perspective.” Chebbi described herself as a radical in her family and when the revolution happened she took on more of an activist role. “We don’t want to inherit a system that we didn’t co-design,” said Chebbi. “You paved the way, but we have our own battle now.”
But for Brown, she says “It feels like I’m not being loyal unless I’m bringing my elders with me, which is so important to Indigenous culture.” Brown shared that her community are still fighting for the same things – such as treaty – but what’s changed is the audience. “I see my activism as taking the teachings of my elders and making it palatable for younger people.”
Brown was particularly inspired by the ‘Call your nanna’ Yes Equality campaign in Ireland in 2017. “I’m privileged that I get access to the internet, but including my grandma and my elders and to break it down to them is helpful. The best advice my grandma gave me was to ask a person why they are like they are. It’s about trying to reestablish trust in the system.”
“The future of feminism needs to involve transnational solidarity,” said Chebbi. “That means women politicians need to make decisions that positively impact women globally. At the moment women in politics in Australia are sending bombs to Yemen and Syria, where women are impacted.”
“We are privileged to be in this space, we need to amplify voices of those who do not have access around the world,” said Akanbi.
Photograph: Yaya Stempler
3. Talk about rape at the kitchen table with your kids
Writer Sohaila Abdulali, who was gang raped in India at the age of 17, brought light and joy to her morning talk When We Talk About Rape. “I swore to those people that I would never tell a soul,” she said.
Abdulali did tell people about her experience – a lot of people. First at the age of 20, when she wrote an essay for an Indian women’s magazine, 32 years later she wrote an article for the New York Times called ‘I Was Wounded; My Honor Wasn’t’. Now, at the Sydney Opera House, Abdulali spoke to her audience about her book What We Talk About When We Talk About Rape.
The New York-based writer argued that consent, and the confusion around it, were more complicated than simply ‘Yes means yes and no means no’. “We set a very low bar for consent,” she said. “Let’s aspire to willing participation. Rape is not sex, but it is a sexual act. We’re taught it’s a fun thing for boys and something to manage for girls.”
She talked about the social expectations of how women are supposed to conduct themselves after being raped. “How you feel about the rape, or the rapist, does not exclude the crime.” She explained she had felt empathy for her rapists, but that “I thought and still do think they were bad people.” To survive, she had to see their humanity. “Confused feelings about the person who raped you does not make you guilty, it makes you human.”
In the Q&A, many people spoke of their own experiences of rape – and stories of stigma and shame. “Rape is a hideous subject, but the book was a joy to write as it was about survivors who have carried on and made a life. You laugh, you cry, you make jokes – it’s not one dimensional.”
Abdulali talked about the culture of BDSM and what she learned about “lovely and affirmative” consent, and how talking about rape should be introduced to the kitchen table with your family, as “it’s here, it’s ordinary and if we take away the scaffolding maybe it can change. We make it too big, too overwhelming, or we make it too small.”
Photograph: Yaya Stempler
4. Embrace your anger – be comfortable with it
Chair Fauziah Ibrahim introduced Rage Becomes Her, featuring writer and activist Soraya Chemaly, by giving the audience two words that are all too familiar to any woman who has experienced rage: ‘calm down’. There was laughter, and a few joyful tears, from the women in the room.
“I wish it was easy to say to women ‘embrace your anger’,” says Chemaly. “Expressing anger is difficult for all, but if a man expresses anger it is associated with power. If a black man expresses anger it is associated with criminality. For women, it leads to powerlessness.”
Chemaly, who shared a story about her daughter building a sandcastle every day at preschool only to have it knocked down by the same boy every day, said that our shame in expressing anger starts with the way we’re brought up. “We use different vocabulary to describe boys and girls when they’re angry,” she said. “We cultivate wordless nurturing in women. We teach girls to emotionally regulate other people’s emotions.”
Chemaly spoke of another one of her daughters, who was experiencing unwanted attention from a boy at school. The boy’s parents suggested the daughter write a letter to the boy to explain how she felt: “She’s not obligated to spend time allowing space for his development,” she said. And when another daughter had spoken up at school about an inappropriate lecture about school uniforms, given only to the girls: “It was not considered a sign of leadership.”
“We know the stereotypes – ‘angry black woman’, ‘high-maintenance bitch’. We need people to be allies in challenging these words,” she said. There are differences between angry, aggression and assertiveness, she said, but if you’re a person of colour you’re more likely to be punished for appearing “sassy”.
“If anger sits within us it festers. We end up being stressed and tired. You have to practice, which is really uncomfortable for your family and colleagues.” Also, “Write it down, you’ll have a language for it when you need to express your anger.”
Photograph: Yaya Stempler
5. What we do with our wokeness can be misguided
“Wokeness, according to Urban Dictionary, is the state of being constantly offended,” said The Feed’s Jan Fran as she introduced Ayishat Akabi’s talk. Stylist and social commentator Akabi saw viral fame for her video clip The Problem with Wokeness, which she shared with the Opera House audience – questioning whether being woke has become a model of moral superiority, and if we’ve lost empathy and compassion in the rise of call-out culture.
“Nuance is important,” said Akabi. “Wokeness is slang for social awareness, but what we do with our wokeness can be misguided. Suffering is not a gateway to moral superiority. Shutting people down doesn’t erase the ideas.”
Akabi asked whether we’re able to stop cancelling people online and remember our former, flawed selves. She said the moment the internet deems you not woke, “you’re a wrap”. It erases any social justice you may have achieved up until that moment and that “progress has become a religion; apology is confession and the priest is the person with the highest number of followers.”
Akabi’s concerned we’ve created a zero policy for error on the internet, and that we need to accept that people are at different stages in what we call growth. “We should be compassionate towards outrage. Let’s use anger as a catalyst for empathy. It’s often what we dislike in others that we’re blind to in ourselves.
“Shame is useful, but to do it publicly is still publicity.” Instead of publicly shaming, Akabi prefers to keep her DMs open. “People are different in the DMs, less performative.
“I tend not to be offended by people when I can. We’ve all be exposed to different experiences, different education, culture and family. I think there’s a real privilege in being offended by everything – choose who you are offended by.
“What you do and how you act with people you disagree with is more important. Wokeness stops people from learning. It’s an arrogant and limiting position.”
Missed out on All About Women? There's still heaps of things to do in March.