smiley face — Photograph: Shaurya Sagar/Unsplash

Photograph: Shaurya Sagar/Unsplash

The best Singlish jokes fit for the kid in you

Let these classics put a smile on your face

Wednesday 31 March 2021

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We all love a good laugh, and dad jokes are no exception – they're terrible but never fail to turn our frowns upside down. Maybe it's the punchline, or maybe it's the way our comedian-wannabe dads deliver it. But a cringe-inducing dad joke is even better when it's punny as well (pun and funny, geddit?). And what better puns than Singlish ones? Here are 11 that will crack you up in five seconds flat.

Been there, done that? Think again, my friend.

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What's noisier?

Photograph: Shutterstock/ Szefei

Question: What’s noisier – coffee or bread?

Answer: Bread. Because BreadTalk (bread talks) while Kopitiam (kopi diam).

Parking fine

Photograph: Unsplash/Muhd Asyraaf

Ah Beng came back to his car and found a note sticking on his windscreen saying: 'Parking Fine'.

He wrote a note and stuck it to a pole: 'Thanks for the compliment' before driving off.

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Fedora guy

Photograph: Unsplash/Clem Onojeghuo

Singapore: *looking northward, tips fedora* "M'laysia"

Mee-staken identity

Photograph: Unsplash/Daniel Lim

One day, Mee Kia borrowed money from Char Siew Bao, promising to pay him back in two weeks. But when the day came, there was no sign of Mee Kia. So Char Siew Bao rounded up Ling Yong Bao and Tau Sar Bao to find the noodle and hantam him jialat-jialat.

On the hunt, they saw Maggi Goreng strolling across the road. "Brothers, whack him!" Char Siew Bao commanded. And as the three Baos gave it to him one kind, Char Siew Bao shouted, "Eh Mee Kia! Just because you perm your hair, don’t think we cannot recognise you, okay?!"

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Hot-line bling

Photograph: Unsplash/Filip Mroz

Ah Beng: Doctor, both my ears are red and really painful.

Doctor: What happened?

Ah Beng: I was ironing my shirt, then the phone rang. But I accidentally picked up the iron instead of my handphone. Then kena, lah!

Doctor: Then what about the other ear?! Why is it red?

Ah Beng: The stupid fella call back, lah!

Bottle can?

Photograph: Unsplash/Daria Nepriakhina

Guy: Can I have a coke can?

Drinks stall lady: Can cannot but bottle can.

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Crying mantou

Photograph: Shutterstock/Gritsana P

Question: Why didn’t the mantou shed a single tear when his mother died?

Answer: Because he has no filling.

Face palm

Photograph: Unsplash/bady qb

Question: Why did the palm tree get struck by lightning?

Answer: Because it suay.

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Rated M18

Photograph: Unsplash/Jake Hills

Question: Why did Ah Beng force 18 of his friends to watch a movie with him?

Answer: Because the ad said below 18 not allowed to go in.

Revenge of the mees

Photograph: Unsplash/James Sutton

Maggi Goreng was pissed after getting beaten up. Royally pissed. So pissed that he went back to his Noodle Clan to gather his brothers.

"Mee Kia!" he called. "The Bao family are asking for it – I want revenge! Let’s go whack them!"

So Maggi Goreng and Mee Kia went out to find the Baos – any Bao. They saw Small Bao eating at a kopitiam, so they dragged him back to their headquarters, where they gagged him and bound him to a chair.

"Ah, Small Bao," smiled Maggi Goreng. "Now you will pay for what your brothers did to me."

Maggi flashed a pocket knife and, just as he was about to torture our poor pastry, Char Kway Teow, the noodle boss, burst into the room. "Wait!" he yelled. "Don’t touch him! That one is our undercover agent, Yin Si Juan!"