Singapore Art Week: Rules to survive art exhibitions

Always look for the wine counter first. Always.

Answering a question with 'What do you think?' is a perfectly valid response.

Use the phrase 'modern condition' a lot.

Never check out the bare breasts that will inevitably be on a piece.

'Can pay by NETS anot, ah?' is not the right thing to ask.

Don't say a work 'reminds' you of something. Say it’s 'reminiscent of’ or it 'harks back to' something.

Cubism has nothing to do with the Communist country.

Don't touch the goddamn art. Especially if there are boobs. 

Oooh, are those canapes? BRB.

If you're a guy, don't shave. Stroking or rubbing your beard while looking at stuff makes you look super smart.

If you're a lady, cheek-kiss everyone. Even if you don't know them.

If you prefix everything with 'post-', you should seem that much more intelligent. Post-modern. Post-Marxist. Post-Cubist. Post-baloney. See?