San Franciscans are a rare breed. We expect efficiency and responsiveness from our city, yet we’re also willing to wait in a 20-minute line for an overpriced coffee and pay a 100 percent surge charge to crawl through downtown traffic. We’re quick to outrage over some issues (propositions! evictions! tech entitlement! toast!), but yawningly laissez faire about others. Here, 22 inconveniences and oddball peccadillos specific to SF.
1. The slowest major transit system in America
Our decrepit Muni fleet travels at an eking 8.1 mph. We also rely on a mode of transportation that regularly requires the driver to suddenly hit the brakes, jump out into traffic armed with a giant insulated staff and manually heave the trolley poles back onto the electric cables. Efficiency is dead.
2. “Meat”
San Franciscans don’t want to eat meat—and we shudder at the thought of GMOs—but we will chow down on chicken-free chicken strips, artificial eggs, faux fish and sausages concocted from powdered gluten. Berkeley is now home to The Butcher’s Son, a vegan deli that unironically claims to be an “old New York-style butcher”—minus the actual meat. You know it’s a bad sign when you’re forced to use air quotes when describing a meal.
3. Soda, the hardest drug of all
Ads splashed across the city blame cola for everything from rotting teeth to erectile dysfunction. Who’s thirsty now?
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4. The unceremonious relocation of our sports teams to far-flung cities
The 49ers were deported to Santa Clara—that’s 40 miles away. Meanwhile, the A’s narrowly dodged a move to Fremont. And, lest we forget, the Raiders were exiled to Los Angeles for the majority of the ’80s and are leaving again for Las Vegas. How about we stop treating our sports teams like unwanted stepchildren?
5. All of our start-ups are intentionally misspelled to be hip and memorable
Instead, it makes us our business district look illiterate, thanks to companies like Lyft, Shyp, Checkr, Memrise, Counsyl, Meddik, Blottr, Pley, Vnyl, Stampt and countless others.
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6. A dearth of plastic bags
Chinese take-out is pretty much the last remaining source of bathroom trash bags, leading to unseemly hoarding and questionable re-use.
7. Micro-local wine snobbery
Are you personally acquainted with the winemaker? Is it bottled within a mile of your apartment? Is the label handmade and featuring a Wordpress URL? That’ll be $45. Happy quaffing.
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8. Being solicited by fake monks
I lost my faith in humanity and all I got was this janky bracelet.
9. Compiling a Bible-size packet of everything one might need to steal your identity, then foisting it on strangers within 10 seconds of meeting them
Otherwise known as apartment hunting. Don’t forget your pet resume and a comprehensive list of online passwords.
10. Living five minutes from the beach but having no use for a bathing suit
There’s a sweater sale at the Gap, though.
11. The inescapable scent of weed
It creeps intrusively over buses, offices, bars, parks, restaurants and theaters. If there isn’t someone in your immediate vicinity actively smoking, the smell is usually emanating from someone who recently has.
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12. The “open office” myth
Office? Nope, that’s just a long picnic table packed with people in aggressively large headphones.
13. BART’s midnight cut-off
It’s as though your curfew-championing mother created the schedule.
14. Coffee huffing
You know you can buy this stuff everywhere else in the country for, like, a buck a cup, right?
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15. Earthquake paranoia
Bookshelves are bolted to the wall, outfitted with book-harnessing straps and securely arranged with museum putty-affixed knickknacks. (The same goes for child-safety locks in childless houses.) It doesn’t matter whether it’s an earthquake or the End of Days: We’ve got a 31-item emergency kit, a flashlight in every room and 25 gallons of potable water.
16. Neon, multi-colored houses that look like the product of a four-year-old’s crayon box
Restraint? Never heard of it. The Sunset invented power-clashing.
17. Start-up T-shirts and hoodies worn on all occasions
Weddings? Funerals? Job interviews? Holidays? Hoods up, turnt up.
18. Public nudity
Sun-browned bare butts are an indigenous feature of San Francisco’s natural landscape. Respectfully avert your eyes. 
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19. Tiny apartments with enormous walk-in closets
It’s like an alternate, Alice in Wonderland universe. There are likely more per-capita 20-somethings sleeping among their hangers here than any other city.
20. The median home price is $2 million
Cozy up to your landlord. Shack up with whomever you find vaguely tolerable. Kick the tires on those Airbnb restrictions. We’re all renting for the long haul.
21. Unbikeable hills
They’re called the “Seven Hells” for a reason, and they will make you question your cardiac health. It’s a white-knuckle, tire-squealing experience just to drive them.
22. Relentless comparisons to New York
Keep your cronuts. We’ve got cruffins.
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