We're all pretty good at bending the truth to promote an agenda, be it humble-bragging or pity-partying. In San Francisco, we've got our own charming ways of presenting reality. Here are translations for 18 things San Franciscans say and what they really mean:
1. "He lives like, 12 hours away." = "He lives in Alameda."
2. "My friend works at State Bird Provisions, so I can totally get us in." = "I once sat on the 22 next to a guy whose cousin knows a guy who quit his job at State Bird Provisions."
3. "My app just got a new investor." = "I had an idea for an app when I was drunk and my drunk friend thought it was a really great concept."
4. "Sorry I'm late for work, Muni never showed." = "I overslept but can use the world's most likely excuse."
5. "I love connecting with the long-time residents of my new neighborhood." = "I am gentrifying the Mission."
6. "I'm working on a new project for Google, but I'm not allowed to talk about it." = "Please ask me about the new project I'm working on for Google."
7. "My parents are really excited that I moved to San Francisco to pursue my dreams." = "My parents pay my rent."
8. "I wouldn't be caught dead at a Union Street bar." = "Bar None is actually kinda awesome."
9. "I spend my weekends exploring all that this amazing city has to offer." = "I have never seen the Golden Gate Bridge."
10. "Let's meet at 10 for brunch." = "You get in line at 10, and I'll be there at 11 when we get seated."
11. "I looked for you guys at Dolores Park but it was so crowded, I couldn't find you." = "I stayed home and binge-watched Game of Thrones."
12. "I am passionate and in-the-know about the issues facing San Francisco." = "I cannot name the Mayor, nor my Supervisor."
13. "Yeah, we get free food at work, but it's not a big deal." = "OMG, my office has like 45 restaurants and they're all free. It is amazing."
14. "WooHoo! Warriors!" = "We're talking about basketball, right?"
15. "Oh, I don't have a Facebook page." = "My Instagram is the most important thing in my life."
16. "I live in the Pacific Heights." = "I live in a sleeping bag on my fraternity brother's couch… in Cow Hollow."
17. "I don't own a television." = "I have Netflix, AmazonPrime, HuluPlus, and a hacking software that I invented which lets me watch anything ever filmed."
18. "My rent is ridiculous." = "My rent is really, really fucking ridiculous."