Things to do on July 4th weekend if it rains

There’s a very good reason some of us won’t be spending the holiday weekend at the beach, and that’s because we’ve seen Jaws and want to be as far away from the water as possible when a monstrous fish starts devouring everyone, thank you very much. Relive the cautionary tale, or enjoy it for the first time (before it’s too late and you’ve lost your leg) with afternoon screenings at Nitehawk on the July 3, 4 and 5.

The fifth go-round of PIT’s annual IndiePendence Day Festival will feature more of what attracted big crowds to the first four: a marathon 12 hours of live comedy performance, beer and—best of all—free BB (so we can all pretend the founding fathers added the right to freedom of BBQ consumption to the Bill of Rights). As usual, performers will run the gamut, from musicians to seasoned improv troupes; past festivals have featured the likes of G.U.S. and the Austen Family Improv Players.

Latin soul king Joe Bataan holds court at this smooth-groovin' afternoon show, part of Union Pool's free Summer Thunder series.

Wear your most patriotic vintage clothes to this annual Roaring '20s–inspired Independence Day bash at the Hudson Terrace. Multiple stages and an outdoor terrace will be filled with music by Gelber & Manning and the Star-Spangled Orchestra, jazz standards by Dandy Wellington & His Band, the rockabilly trio Susquehanna Industrial Tool & Die Co. and several DJs. Instead of fireworks, be dazzled by the burlesque performances by Hazel Honeysuckle, Calamity Chang, Gal Friday and more.

While this annual patriotic pub crawl won’t turn East Village bars into the land of the free, the streets will certainly be paved with golden beers made cheap. Head to Bar None to begin your night of drink specials—oh and you better not be one of those fancy European-beer loving snobs, because American drafts are only $2. If that doesn’t make you feel patriotic, then nothing will.

What do you get when put the sexy hosting power of the patriotic Wasabassco coed burlesque group with the deliciousness that is a well-cooked barbecue sandwich? A kick-ass Fourth of July bash, that's what! Get ready for American-themed stripteases, tassel twirling, hot dogs, cold beer, and there’s even a rumor that performer Nasty Canasta might channel the raw sexual energy of our nation’s hottest former president: Teddy Roosevelt. Hosted by Doc Wasabassco himself, who'll be dressed as Superman in honor of the holiday.