I get it—being single in the city can be tough, and the ways New Yorkers are having sex these days can be surprising. But whatever your dating conundrum might be, I'm here to help. Consider me (Jillian Anthony, Time Out New York's Senior Things to Do editor) your personal wingwoman, guiding you through dating and doing it in New York in our weekly "Let Us Sex-plain" column. Check out my answers to all your questions online and in the magazine every Wednesday, and submit your own coitus queries below!
I’ve been single for two years and would like to seriously date again, but these days, once I sleep with someone, I can’t seem to muster meaningful feelings for them. Am I just not ready to commit?
—Gentree, Battery Park
Sex generally makes you feel more attached to someone, not less, so you’re probably just not that into the people you’ve been seeing. And that’s fine! I’m someone who’s been mostly single for about five years but wants a relationship. Many of us are in the same situation, so please don’t start asking yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” You can’t force a relationship to materialize at the exact moment you desire it, nor can you pretend to love someone you only have lukewarm feelings for. In the meantime, date from a genuine place, and enjoy the journey. One day, when you’re in a long-term relationship, you’ll miss the mystique of your single days.
How should our vajays be sculpted nowadays? Is the bush back?
—Narz, Astoria
Short answer: Sculpt your bush (or don’t) in whatever way makes you feel the best! Why should we look to women’s (or worse, men’s) magazines or porn or the locker rooms to inform us how our pubic hair should be styled? If you like to wax it all off (I personally take regular trips to Brazil), go for it! If you want to trim or shave a bit just to keep the volume under control, cool! And if you want to shave the Deathly Hallows symbol down there because you love Harry Potter, be my guest. But whatever you’re doing below, do it because you want to, not because the beauty industry has brainwashed women into thinking they should be hairless. Challenge yourself and take writer Ann Friedman’s advice: Grow it out for six months to see if it changes how you relate to your own body. You might just embrace your new hairkini.
My friend started dating a guy who told her he doesn’t believe in monogamy but says he “likes her so much,” he won’t see anyone else. Can you successfully choose to be monogamous if you believe in open relationships, or is my friend headed for heartbreak?
—Taryn, Upper East Side
Even though humans are made to be sex-thirsty, baby-having monsters, many of us do choose to be monogamous. But something adults can’t necessarily change is their core belief system. If this man truly believes monogamy is unrealistic or just not for him, I can guarantee this will be an issue that comes up down the line. But lots of couples have opposing belief systems (Democrats and Republicans, Jews and Christians, Team Taylor and Team Katy), and, hey, they work it out. Talk with your pal about the situation, but she’ll make her own choices in the end.
