Shelly’s New York (CLOSED)

You’d think dining near a bunch of fat, naked people would spoil your appetite, but not at Shelly’s. In the second-floor lounge, a mammoth painting shows five blue beauties frolicking topless in a field of strawberries, one of many naughty works of art in this four-story shrine to excess. The steak-and-seafood-heavy menu is likewise fun and energetic. Shelly’s flies in monster soft-shell claws daily from Miami Beach’s famed Joe’s Stone Crab; choose from Large, Jumbo or Colossal. (What, no Venti?) USDA prime steaks are dry-aged on site for 28 days. A confident dessert menu combines classics (a boozy Baked Alaska, flambéed tableside) and originals like Mama’s Mixing Bowl, an unholy union of chocolate ganache, double-chocolate cookie crumbles and chocolate-chocolate-chip ice cream topped with whipped cream. You’ll feel as plump as the dancing ladies, but far from blue.