Maloney & Porcelli

It’s really loud in here: Be prepared to holler. On the up side, there’s plenty to shout about, like the 30-ounce rib steak that erupts with definitive flavor. (There’s also a comparatively bite-sized 16-ounce filet mignon.) And fear not the Angry Lobster, a halved five-pound Maine crustacean spiked with chili powder, cayenne pepper and rich lobster oil. Chef Patrick Vaccariello’s velvety au gratin is made with French cream, Gruyère and Parmesan and served straight from the skillet. Surprises extend to desserts: no cheesecake. If you’re in the mood for the two-ton experience, choose baked Alaska, bananas Foster or, best of all, Drunken Doughnuts—a half dozen house-made circles that are sugar-dusted tableside and paired with a trio of liqueur-laced jams. Who needs after-dinner drinks?