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People outside of New York think we’re tough as nails, but the truth is, we New Yorkers are soft, sensitive crybabies. And considering how stressed we all are, can you really blame us? Crying is so common, and the lack of spaces to do it privately so scarce, that we’ve developed a knack for just letting it all out wherever we happen to find ourselves, whether it’s the subway, a restaurant, or our neighbor’s stoop.
Anthony Villiotti, a New Yorker who lives in the Upper West Side, sees our lack of accessible public crying spaces as a problem. That’s why, for the past year, he’s created a space where people can go cry as passionately and ugly-ly as they want without the fear of judgement. His big group crying sessions, which he’s named the "Sob Parlour," is part of a more expansive vision that sees crying as just another necessary function that contributes to our wellbeing.
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The initial idea for Sob Parlour began a couple of years ago when Villiotti was on the StairMaster at Equinox blasting Mariah Carey and suddenly he had an inexplicable and overpowering urge to have a breakdown. He started sobbing uncontrollably in the middle of the gym and ran to the locker room showers and ended up having a big, heavy cry there. Then, he says, 15 minutes later he felt completely fine.
“And then it struck me that crying like that really did something for me,” he tells Time Out. “I felt like all of a sudden I regained my strength and my mental clarity. And then I wondered, what if people did this as part of their wellness routine?”
Villiotti decided to do more research and found out that there’s actually scientific data that exalts the health benefits of crying. Those benefits include what Villiotti refers to as “emotional cleansing,” which includes releasing stress and emotional pain, reducing depression, and even strengthening our immune systems, according to Harvard.
In a Union Square pop-up in February, which took place at a venue designed for independent wellness practitioners, he tested out the concept on a larger scale for the first time. Before then, he’d mostly hosted events at his apartment and other DIY spaces, and this was a testament to the Sob Parlour’s resonance among New Yorkers.
I love the juxtaposition of friends hanging out at a picnic and you’re just like next to them, wailing. That’s an amazing image to me.
Villiotti had people fill out a questionnaire to identify their emotional triggers, or the things that struck an emotional chord for them. For example, the questions were meant to figure out what type of music made someone cry or if they were the type of person who cries over polar bears swimming away from melting ice caps, or if they were more the type to cry over seeing their best friend getting married instead. Once their answers were locked in, they were left alone in a room that incorporated some of those customized crying stimulants. Attendees were able to take up to 30 minutes to try and really let out a good cry.
Villiotti is planning his next event for late March and April, and in the meantime, he shared a few of the best places for New Yorkers to cry. “I’ve sobbed many many many times at, like, your Midtown Starbucks,” he says. “No one there cares, no one is taking any sort of interest in your life.” He’s also a big fan of crying in Central Park. “I love the juxtaposition of friends hanging out at a picnic and you’re just like next to them, wailing. That’s an amazing image to me.”
His vision for the crying industry is ambitious and, honestly, kind of inspiring. Just like how we should have accessible bathrooms everywhere, Villiotti believes, we should also have places where we can actually, genuinely cry. He thinks crying booths should be available in all high-stress environments, particularly in places like airports or Grand Central Station.
“From a client perspective, there's a lot to gain with your emotional well-being and mental health by embracing this kind of practice and helping to erode the stigmas of crying,” Villiotti tells Time Out. “And from a business perspective, I think it's a really unique opportunity to get in on a dimension of wellness that we've seen blow up in the past couple of years. It’s a really interesting industry to innovate in.”
To know when the next Sob Parlour is taking place, fill out this form to get updates or follow Sob Parlour on Instagram.