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Growing up in the pine-heavy South and living in New York City for over a decade, I’ve seen my share of roaches: the kind that fly … the kind that jump out at you from under the sink … the creepy crawly kind hanging out by the trash … and the water bugs that’ve made a pact with the devil to surprise you as you lift up the toilet seat, but never the hissing kind.
New York City has its share of these seemingly immortal insects that show up when you are least expecting it. But the Bronx Zoo actually happily houses roaches—Madagascar hissing cockroaches to be exact—and every year it asks New Yorkers to participate in its “Name-a-Roach” Valentine’s Day program that raises donations for the Wildlife Conservation Society. For as long as I’ve been a journalist in New York, I’ve written about this program annually while grimacing at my screen and every year it’s never less disgusting. But this year, I challenged myself to embrace the roach, name the roach and … love? the roach.
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In past years, it’s been the thing to name it after an ex. After all, roaches are the lowest of the low and the scum of the earth, belonging under our boot. But apparently this has been the wrong way to think about these ecologically important beings. The roaches you can name at the Bronx Zoo are Madagascar hissing roaches—the world’s largest roach species reaching nearly four-inches long, according to the WCS. I hated typing that. It’s “hissing” because it emits a hissing sound as a defense mechanism. Horrifying. These big boys aren’t considered pests and rarely enter homes. So maybe, I should pivot my perspective.
The Name-a-Roach 2025 program actually encourages you to name a roach after a loved one, because “roaches are forever.” You can still name it whatever you like, but this got me thinking. What would my husband think of getting a roach named after him?
The packages begin at $15 for a digital certificate featuring the name you choose for the roach. From there, you can upgrade to get extra gifts like a roach belt bag, beanie, a plush or a virtual Wild Encounter where you can virtually meet a live Madagascar hissing cockroach. ¿Por qué no todos?
On January 22, I ordered “the works,” which comes with everything mentioned above.
I rubbed my hands together like a villain. Paul will hate it, I thought. As the unofficial roach killer of the household, he is never happy to see these fellas, especially if they rival the size of a mouse or fly around the apartment like a freaking bird. Thankfully, we have a mighty huntress in our cat Sylvie, who once swatted a roach out of the air with her claws and mauled it to death like a lioness on the plains of Africa.
But none of these hissing roaches have trespassed in our home and won’t any time soon. These are a roach of a different color and are well-taken care of in the Madagascar exhibit at the zoo. Since the Name-a-Roach program launched in 2011, more than 56,000 cockroaches have been named since the start of the program. I shiver at the number, but good for them.
It only took a week to get the package, and to my great delight, I discovered that the best way to let your loved one (or ex) find out you’ve named a roach after them is to let them come upon it in the wild—the mailbox.
“Did you name a roach after me?” Paul asked incredulously from the front door. Later, he told his parents on the phone about what I had done and jokingly said someone (me) wouldn’t be getting flowers for Valentine’s Day. I think that’s unfair because the beanie, belt bag and plushie are all really good quality! Honestly, we’re impressed.
Will we actually wear the hat or the bag? It remains to be seen, but we have a meeting booked on February 15 to meet a roach! Virtually. I am not ready for an in-person meet-up. But you can be brave and meet one in the flesh! The zoo is hosting an exclusive, after-hours Roach Romance event that will let you sample sustainably-grown chocolate and learn about the importance of insects in the production of chocolate—from cocoa pollination to soil health maintenance. And of course, you’ll get to meet “some ambassador animals” that are species these projects help protect! You can register here or name your own roach here and “say it with a hiss!”