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Ah, the meetcute. That charming chance encounter between people that leads to romance. Think Amanda and Graham in “The Holiday” who met by happenstance when the latter needed a bathroom. Or Bea and Ben’s cafe concurrence in “Anyone But You” which also, incidentally, involved a bathroom. Or Alex Claremont-Diaz and Prince Henry’s series of snarky showdowns until their iconic cake scene in “Red White and Royal Blue.”
Sadly, we can't all be quite as lucky in love as these cinema couples. For New Yorkers looking for a relationship, Cupid has his work cut out for him. But dating experts across the city say the path to true love isn't necessarily paved with a string of Hinge or Tinder or Grindr matches. Instead, they encourage singles to try the old-fashioned way: Meeting people in (gasp) real life, something we can have in common with those meetcute couples.
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As a dating/relationship expert and the founder of Intellectual Blonde Events, Amber Soletti knows the power of an in-person encounter. She hosts dating events from silent discos to singles mixers across the city—and she even met her now-husband at one of her events more than a decade ago. She's not the only one; she can share story after story of people who met at her events and became more than friends.
However, that doesn't mean you'll find "the one" right away. She attended singles events for five years before finding her person.
"The events work, but love really is a numbers game," she tells Time Out New York. "You can't go to a few events, not meet anyone you like and say that you are done with singles events, they don't work. When you get frustrated, or the prospect of meeting someone seems overwhelming, you just need to remember that different singles come out to each event and that all it takes is one."
Even if you don’t find your “forever date,” she says, you may find a great friend, or a lead on an apartment, or a work connection. Her tips: Keep an open mind, don’t pressure on yourself, and be open to the possibilities.
If you want to see for yourself, Intellectual Blonde Events is coming through in February with a variety of activities. There's a "Rescue Me" event for women looking for eligible first responders, V-Day Speed Dating for gay men 25+, a "Stupid Cupid," speed dating/singles mixer for singles 30+, and lots more. Here's how to register. Another singles event to bookmark in February is "We Finna Flirt: Speed Dating and Kickback Night for QTPOC" organized by I'm Finna Talk and Raw Honey, two collectives that center queer and trans people of color.
Soletti swears by singles events because it’s a lot easier to ascertain someone’s interest level there. While it’s easy to meet someone in NYC—at a park or on the subway for example—it can be hard to find someone who’s looking for a long-term relationship.
Love Daddy Trev (that's Trevor Kuhn, officially) knows that all too well.
"When it comes to dating in New York, it's hard because you don't know who's in the same mindset as you are," he says.
That's where his coaching comes in. As the self-described Love Coach for Men, he's a certified relationship and confidence coach, a.k.a. the one encouraging gay men to shoot their shot.
When he's working with a client, Kuhn likes to ask them one important question: When was the last time you asked somebody out?
"A lot of times, I'll hear someone say, 'I haven't been asked out in years.' I'm like, 'Have you asked anyone out?' This is like asking to win the lottery. Have you bought a ticket?" he says. "You better play the game."
I'll hear someone say, 'I haven't been asked out in years.' I'm like, 'Have you asked anyone out?' This is like asking to win the lottery. Have you bought a ticket?
While he recommends several dance parties and clubs, such as UltraMaroon, Battle Hymn, and Three Dollar Bill, he also suggests other social outlets based on your interests, whether that's gaming or kickball or anything else.
"You can't stay in the same circle and expect to meet new people is really the bottom line," he says.
Speaking of shared interests, a new event around town has unintentionally become an excellent spot for meeting singles. Reading Rhythms dubs itself as "Not a book club. A reading party." Four friends—Ben Bradbury, Tom Worcester, Charlotte Jackson, and John Lifrieri—founded the event as simply a way to read more. What started with 10 friends on an apartment rooftop has ballooned into a mega-popular event series that regularly sells out.
The concept is simple: Bookworms bring a book and read silently together while listening to ambient live music. Then, they talk about their books in small groups with helpful discussion prompts.
Turns out, that's a recipe for connection—and sometimes a love connection. One of the founders even met his girlfriend there.
"The environment provided a sense of continuity that they felt consistently able to talk about their real self, not the projected self, not the social media self, but the real self," Worcester says. "The format definitely makes it easy to connect with almost everybody in the room."
People are so yearning for connection and they're so tired of their social media feeds and they're so tired of swiping.
Looking back, he views 2010-2020 as the era of online matchmaking.
"We're kind of almost entering the antithesis of that period. Where people are so yearning for connection and they're so tired of their social media feeds and they're so tired of swiping, they want to find ways to authentically connect with people that are aligned with them out in the real world," he says.
Soletti, of Intellectual Blonde Events, whole-heartedly agrees. It's not easy to judge chemistry through a screen.
"With dating apps and sites there is a ton of time invested and wasted reading profiles, swiping, corresponding and waiting for a response. So many profiles are fake or inactive and you can't assess if you have chemistry even if you find their photos attractive and enjoy corresponding or speaking on the phone," she says. "In person events are a great way to meet a large number of singles in one evening and to quickly assess if you have chemistry with someone and want to go on a first date."
As for the meetcute, it's not impossible. A friend recently recounted to Kuhn the story of meeting a guy at the NYPD tow yard. They "were the only guys that were not yelling, apparently." They've been on four dates since. If you're listening, Hollywood, that is the NYC meetcute we need.