Dance parties for people who don’t like dance music

Why waste your time smiling at people who you’d much rather kick in the eye? Misery loves company, and the downcast can find both in spades at this semiregular ode to exquisite sadness. Founded in London by Leonard and Cliff Gloomy, Feeling Gloomy wafted across the pond like a low-pressure front in 2009, when Gertrude Gloom started an NYC incarnation. She spins a variety of moody British artists working in the postpunk, new wave and Britpop modes—expect to hear the Smiths, the London Suede, Kate Bush, Nick Cave and the Cure. The mopefest goes down every few months in the basement of LES joint Fontana’s.

Whether you’re a rock & roll suicide or a spider from Mars, Twig the Wonderkid’s monthly night of glam, punk and rock is the place for you. Grab your glitteriest, most androgynous bodysuit and head to the Grand Victory to immerse yourself in a hot bath of Bowie, the Ramones, Lou Reed, Blondie and their ilk. Twig spins, and the rest is fluid: You might catch a live set from artists like New York Dolls contemporaries the Brats or local four-piece Semi-Precious Weapons, or be treated to a late-night cabaret act. Show up between 11pm and midnight, and you’ll be rewarded with a PBR open bar—just the thing to make you feel great about that big red lightning bolt you drew on your face.

There are plenty of parties where you can groove to hip-hop, but at this chilled-out summer shindig, you’ll get honest-to-God hip-hop—just like Tupac used to make. Three California-raised, NYC-based DJs—Eleven, Still Life and Dopeshoes—spin a high-grade mix of West Coast rap by Pac, Ice Cube, Too Short, E-40, Snoop Dogg and more. Guests have included the likes of Sake One, Steve1der and J.Period. Last year, this daytime party took place at Bed-Stuy’s Project Parlor, but according to Eleven, the crew will likely spin at a new venue this summer. Visit str8westcoastinnyc.tumblr.com for details.

Jonathan Toubin (of New York Night Train and Soul Clap and Dance-Off) digs deep into the vaults at this weekly night of old-school, almost entirely pre-1970s rarities. Original-pressing 45s of R&B, garage rock, rockabilly, British invasion, doo-wop, surf rock and more all go under the needle. Toubin mines the catalogs of greats like Little Richard, Etta James and the Rolling Stones, as well as their lesser-known contemporaries, to unearth tracks that you’ve likely never heard before.  Shakin’ has attracted plenty of guest spinners, including Jon Spencer and New York Dolls frontman David Johansen. For oldies that are new to you, this is the place to be.

Much like the label it spawned, Pieter Schoolwerth’s nine-year-old, pitch-black, Wednesday-night party defies categorization—and that’s kind of the point. Wierd is devoted to the dark side of the indie-music underground, encompassing genres including—but not limited to—cold wave, minimal synth, punk and black metal. Expect to hear tracks by the masters of these forms (Depeche Mode, Absolute Body Control), plus artists on Schoolwerth’s label (Xeno & Oaklander and Blacklist), and, occasionally, live performances.