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It's that time of year again. And by that time of year, we mean late afternoon on Valentine's Day after it's already too late to order same-day flowers and your dinner reservation is at 6pm. Yes, the annual pilgrimage to Duane Reade's V-Day gift aisle is upon us.
RECOMMENDED: Full guide to Valentine’s Day in NYC
So, let's take a journey... Past the discounted flowers next to the escalator and the heart-shaped Peep lying on the floor silently mouthing, "Abandon all hope," to a land that love forgot. Here are some rock-bottom Valentines that you'll probably want to avoid even if that restaurant has a credit card cancellation policy.
"Hey Babe, I'm cheating on you with Rick. Love, me"
"Hey Babe, My devotion to you is as strong as your rigidly-defined interests. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, Sorry. The bears told me if I didn't pass on the curse, I'd be dead in a week. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, This guy plays One Direction if you squeeze it's paw! Also, I know you're gay and I'm ok with it. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, Thought this would be a nice way for you to "wake" up with your "woke" husband. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, I lost all of our money in a Ponzi scheme. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, Now's probably a good time for me to tell you that I got the same tattoo as this stuffed monkey. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, My love for you can't be defined. Just like this box of a dozen chocolate roses with six buds. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, I thought we could try some tin play tonight. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, I combined three of your favorite things! Chocolate, alcohol and me telling you to calm down. Love, me."
"Hey Babe, Like a heart-shaped box of Starburst surrounded by Goldfish crackers, our love is so, so unique. Love, me."
