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Anyone who has gone down the Tinder rabbit hole in New Jersey knows it is not a course to be taken lightly. You’ll be bombarded with meaningless emojis, vapid conversations and, uh... way too many graphic selfies. If you’re ready to dive into the deep end of swiping left and right, here is the range of potential matches you’ll run into when your "Discovery Settings" radius reaches The Garden State.
1. The gym rat: He’ll be down for a date at LA Fitness and thinks he is a total gentlemen for buying you that extra scoop of whey powder in your post-workout smoothie. This guy is all about the GTL and is 100 percent DTF, too.
2. The single mom: She’s new to dating after a failed marriage and has no idea how to date or meet people—or really do much of anything besides drive little Jimmy to soccer practice. Runner up: the divorced dad looking for a casual fling.
3. The bro: He really loves catching Dave Matthews at the PNC Bank Arts Center while pretending to smoke pot and popping eight Polo collars at once. One would think that this sort of person went out of style years ago, but they're alive and well on Tinder in Jersey.
4. The chick in NYC who does not want to come out to the ‘burbs: He's not nearly as trendy as his New York match since she lives in a fifth-floor walkup in Morningside Heights and spends the weekends waiting in line at Le Bain. But hey, there are cool things to do in NJ, too, you know?
6. The person with a boring job: If you’re jonesing to date a data entry specialist or Shoprite inventory manager, swiping in New Jersey will definitely be your jam.
7. The re-transplant: They are back in the Dirty Jerz after a stint on the Left Coast, a gig teaching abroad or spending a summer in a casually hip place like Austin. They are in a transitional period (aren’t we all?) after their startup failed or grunge band broke up.
8. The people you know: Recently back in your hometown after college? You’re back under your parents' roof—and so is everyone else you went to high school with. Hey, if sparks didn’t fly back in 10th grade chemistry class, here’s your second chance.
9. The girl with duck lips: Does this really need a description? #JerseyPride
10. The guy who make no effort whatsoever: A laid back ‘tude is cool and all, but for some reason these Jersey boys are all IDGAF about trying to impress you. He’ll show up in a grungy flannel shirt and you’ll meet for drinks (definitely not dinner.) After a few cocktails (you’re splitting the tab) he will try to get you back to his filthy apartment so you guys can get busy really quietly since his roommate's home.