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Am I at a concert or is this a wet T-shirt contest, because I’m pretty sure I did not pay $30 to get an entire beer spilled on me before the first song is over. Listen, I understand kicking off the night with a cold one, but this isn’t a sit-down affair at Carnegie Hall. You’re at a sold-out rock show, bro. If you expect to leisurely sip your $9 beer in the middle of a mosh pit, you’re a jerk who’s about to pour beer on me. Please either stand in the back where it’s less crazy or chug it down before the show starts. I’m glaring at you, too, dude walking through a packed crowd carrying four drinks high above your head for your friends. Yes, you are a martyr to some, but unless you also offer to pay my dry cleaning bill, stay the hell away from me.
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This is a concert, not a frat party or a photo shoot. Dear amateur photographer, we know you’re trying to build your Instagram “brand” and show Snapchat how cool you are, but it’s getting hard to see the actual stage with your arm and glowing phone blocking my view. I have so many questions: How many blurry photos of the same concert does the world need to see? Do you actually think the flash will light up someone that far away? How many selfies does it take before your phone battery dies? I hope to God you don’t have a portable charger.
And no, this isn’t a football game, so what’s up with the superfans who practically tackle their way to the front? Chill. If you love the band so much, be considerate and line up early for a coveted spot. Once the show starts, the crowd moves anyway.
We’re all here for the music, right? So let’s try to enjoy it like civilized adults.