The 5 best things coming to NYC for families in 2018

Mayor Bill de Blasio has had a rough go selecting a successor for schools chancellor Carmen Fariña. Fortunately, after a bit of mayhem—that epic public TV decline, the stress of finding a replacement—he's selected a figure we all know and love: Thomas the Tank Engine. Thomas is set to take on this new role as soon as possible and plans to focus a great deal on engineering education throughout NYC public schools. The mayor stated he is honored to have Thomas join the team and knows its full steam ahead for even greater success. No word yet on whether or not other friends from the Island of Sodor will be joining Thomas. 

NYC pizza joints like Paulie Gees, Lombardis, John's of Bleecker now require children to offer at least one large bite of their pizza to accompanying adult caregivers, no matter how cheesy and delicious it is. Oh, and a bite of their dessert too (where applicable). No exceptions. 

Those who want to see Frozen better get those tickets ASAP. Everyone's favorite frigid sisters have some news: Elsa's totally fed up with NYC's never-ending winter and will be taking a brief sabbatical from her time on Broadway for a #springbreak trip to Florida. 

Who doesn't want the opportunity to spend the night at their favorite NYC attraction? Venues such as Ripley's Believe It Or Not!, The Intrepid Museum and the American Museum of Natural History all offer slumber parties for kids. Now, starting this spring, each venue will up the ante. Exhibits will now come to life, so be on the lookout for roaming reptiles, flying war planes and lots of other things you have to see to believe. Side note: Please don't feed the dinosaurs.

For those who are currently partaking in the cherry blossom craze, we have excellent news. Thanks to the hard work of talented organic gardeners here in the city, venues such as the New York Botanical Garden and Brooklyn Botanic Garden will display these babies year-round beginning this season. Who's excited for all-things pink?

You didn't really think these changes were coming to NYC, did you? This is a satirical post. Clearly. April Fools!