The idea that you can’t get everything you want out of life is false. You can have it all, just not when you live in Miami. We trade beautiful snowy winters for pool parties in December and coiffed ‘dos for frizzy manes. What else are Miami people giving up for life in the Magic City? Below, the real cost of living in Miami.
1. Frizz-free hair.
2. Fat. Sorry, we just can’t.
3. Beautiful coats like Olivia Pope.
4. Pumpkin Spice Lattes, unless you’re into sweating while sipping coffee.
5. Real Christmas trees for more than a couple of weeks (all of the needles drop on the floor really fast).
6. Newfoundlands or St. Bernards. Animal Cruelty, anyone?
7. Rollerblades, a bicycle or a scooter, unless you have a death wish.
8. Musical taste because it's all DJs or Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber.
9. Ugg boots.
10. Manners.
11. A place to live where you can walk everywhere.
12. An easy commute.
13. Privacy; everyone is in your business and your mom probably lives really close, too.
14. Holiday photos with snow.
15. A killer ice-skating routine.
16. Tickets to Hamilton.
17. A comfortable cab ride or cabbie who speaks English.
18. A nice guy to date (read: one who is single and somewhat normal).
19. A clean driving record.
20. More sensible shoes than stilettos in your closet.
21. A sweatshirt collection.
22. A seasonal wardrobe.
23. A road trip vacation. It’s a 9475757-hour drive just to leave Florida.
24. A fireplace, lest you want your friends judging you.
25. Affordable car insurance.
26. Lemonade stands. Abuela will sooner have a heart attack than let you sell anything from the side of the road.
27. A Midwestern accent. You will confuse the hell out of everyone you meet.
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