There’s a certain mindset that comes with Miami. We indulge a little more. We move a little more slowly. We drive a little more crazily. To the outside world, we may look and sound a little garish at times—and what ya gonna do about it, huh!?—but if you get to know us and truly become one with our culture, you’ll see that we’re really just having more fun than anyone else. How do you know you’ve fully assimilated? Turns out there’s a test: You’re a true Miamian if you…
1. Know all the lyrics to the Santa’s Enchanted Forest commercial.
2. Threaten to kill everyone on the road the minute you start driving.
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3. Speak fluent Spanglish.
4. Party until the sun rises on Northeast 11 Street.
5. Wake up insanely early to stand in line for cinnamon buns and strawberry shakes at Knaus Berry Farm.
6. Ride an airboat.
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7. Travel to another city or state and are always the loudest table or group in any given situation.
8. Learn to dodge the tourists in the middle of Northwest 2 Avenue taking pictures of the Wynwood murals.
9. Painfully explain to out-of-town friends that “South Beach” and “Miami” are not interchangeable terms.
10. Stand up for everything Pitbull does, even though you prefer his early work on M.I.A.M.I.
11. Reach a blood-caffeine level that hovers around 30 percent cafecito.
12. Visit Mango’s Tropical Café on Ocean Drive at least once.
13. Learn to convert all things to “Miami time.”
14. Scoff at other cities’ Cubanos.
15. Take a date to the Fairchild Tropical Botanical Gardens.
16. Insist that temps in the low 60s mean jacket and gloves weather.
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17. Get one of those plastic Gorilla figurines out of the machines at Zoo Miami.
18. Become really, really concerned about rising sea levels.
19. Slightly dread Winter Music Conference, Ultra Music Festival and Art Basel a little more than you get excited for them, because traffic.
20. Talk about how you’re going to leave but never do.