To love Miami is to leave Miami; you need distance from a city like ours to really appreciate it—or to keep from totally losing your mind. Between the traffic and the weird weather (hello, flooding!), living in the 305 can really take a toll on some people. Think you've had enough? Here are 18 signs you might need to pack up and get the hell out of Miami for a while.
1. You start sentences with "pero..." before switching to English
2. Your car's turn signal is starting to grow cobwebs
3. You don't have a side hustle
4. You go in straight for a kiss on the cheek when meeting strangers—including your new boss
5. You're on time
6. You don't mind accidentally rubbing up on sweaty strangers
7. You gun it the moment the light turns green
8. You only know how to apply makeup in your car
9. Your phone is out of memory because you've downloaded too many parking/traffic alert apps
10. You don't flinch when random fowl—chickens, roosters, peacocks—cross the road ahead of you
11. You're on a first-name basis with stray cats in your neighborhood
12. You think baseball games are social events, so you spend most of the night drinking at the bar instead of paying attention
13. You own more swimsuits than you do actual clothes
14. All of your shirts have sweat stains
15. You're immune to the caffeine in cafecitos
16. You know everyone on your Tinder app
17. You think swamp ass is a regular bodily occurrence
18. You visit your plastic surgeon more than you do your dentist
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