A shot of the Melbourne skyline during the day.
Photograph: Shutterstock
Photograph: Shutterstock

24 things only tourists do in Melbourne

We love sharing our city with travellers, but there are some things they do that make them stick out like a sore thumb

Nicola Dowse
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After recently being crowned the friendliest city in the world, it's clear Melburnians love sharing our amazing city with tourists – but even the most seasoned travellers can sometimes stand out from the black-clad local crowd. Here are 24 things that you'll only see tourists doing in Melbourne. 

  1. Walking frustratingly slow along Swanston Street. In fact, anyone who voluntarily decides to walk along Swanston Street.
  2. Stopping to take a selfie midway across the Princes Bridge.
  3. Thinking the height of Melbourne's dining scene is eating at 6pm on Southbank.
  4. Taking a 'so original' new profile pic with everyone else in Hosier Lane.
  5. Touching off on a tram.
  6. Trying to buy a ticket on a tram (it should be possible!). 
  7. Displaying a cool kind of bravado by standing on trams without holding on, only to stumble as soon as the tram moves.
  8. Going into a café and ordering an 'expresso', 'americano' or anything 'with cream'. 
  9. Getting coffee at Starbucks.
  10. Wearing anything other than 80 per cent black clothing.
  11. Not having a footy team.
  12. Having a 'footy' team that's any code other than AFL.
  13. Thinking you can get into a popular restaurant without a booking.
  14. Going to Lygon Street specifically to eat Italian food.
  15. Not understanding hook turns – guys, going left to turn right makes perfect sense.
  16. Pronouncing ACMI as 'A-C-M-I' not 'ack-me'.
  17. Struggling over the pronunciations of the following suburbs: Maribyrnong, Prahran, Lalor, Beaumaris or Mordialloc. 
  18. Standing in the middle of Little Bourke Street to take photos of the Chinatown arches.
  19. Rocking up to Queen Victoria Market when it's closed. 
  20. Calling trams 'trolleys'. 
  21. Thinking that sitting on milk crates at cafés is a cute and novel idea and not at all ergonomically flawed.
  22. Walking in and out of the NGV through the wrong doors and getting barked at by security.
  23. Un-ironically commenting on how Melbourne has four seasons in one day.
  24. Abbreviating chicken parmigiana as 'parmi' (or anything other than 'parma'). 

Want to pretend to be a tourist for the day? Here are 27 Melbourne tourist attractions that don't suck.

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