1. Buying cheap wine at the Exford and then telling the waiter at Shanghai Dumpling that it's your birthday.
2. Then going to Heroes for karaoke and requesting ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’.
3. Touching the NGV water wall.
4. Heading to Perseverance on Fridays for its Guilty Pleasures night.
5. Visiting Ikea and pretending to seriously consider purchasing a full-bedroom suite.
6. Going to the Hyatt, but only to use its bathrooms (for a fancy wee).
7. Demolishing a mixed giro platter at Stalactites at midnight.
8. Going on the merry-go-round at Luna Park repeatedly even when kids are clearly waiting.
9. Lingering over your smashed avocado at the latest cool café while watching hungry people queue for a table.
10. Taking an invigorating walk along St Kilda Beach, then stopping at Europa Cake Shop and devouring all the cream-filled delights you can manage.
11. Enjoying a ‘lunch’ of free samples at the Prahran/South Melbourne/Queen Victoria Market.
12. Crashing a house party where you know no one (but dancing like you know everyone).
13. Reasoning that the free tram zone extends all the way to Preston, basically.
14. Ordering an Espresso Martini because you want a drink, but also because you could really use a coffee.
15. Partying with the backpackers at Base in St Kilda.
16. Dressing up for the kids’ film screenings at ACMI during the school holidays (last time there was a How to Train Your Dragon Viking day!).
17. Hogging the baby animals at the Melbourne Royal Show when kids are clearly waiting.
18. Ordering a Green Cup smoothie and pretending you're an influencer.