The best toilets in Melbourne

Best for: the pee with a view

Without a doubt, we’re not the only ones who’ve taken the Sofitel’s lift 35 floors up to get to the loo with the view. This is not so much a toilet as a powder room; there's a large area just for fixing your face. Golden drapes frame the floor to ceiling window, from which you can see all the way out to the Dandenongs, as well as the Botanic Gardens, the Shrine and the 'G, and around to the sea. 

Best for: the erotic pee

After you've soaked up the views on the rooftop and drank far too many of Naked for Satan's delicious infused vodkas, you'll likely be in desperate need of a wee. As you make your way down to the basement, catch patrons doing a double-take as they make their way to the bathrooms and pass walls that are papered with collages of naked and scantily clad men and women. 

Best for: the high-tech pee

Located inside the 80 Collins Street precinct, Society was one of Melbourne's most anticipated restaurant openings of 2021. Melbourne architecture and design duo Ryan Russell and Byron George designed the space with the fit-out featuring crystal chandeliers, a bar made from a single section of marble and aesthetic influences from the Art Deco, Mid-century, Art Nouveau and Brutalist styles. It makes sense that a space this beautiful would have a luxe bathroom to match, and you'll find that pretty much everything is automated and hands-free. 

Best for: the Tokyo pee

For a taste of inner-city luxury, you can’t go past W Melbourne. Every detail at the W Melbourne has been carefully considered, meticulously placed and kept affectionately local. Floor-to-ceiling windows feature in every room, as do colourful fixtures, Foxtel channels and king beds that lure you into a content slumber. But it’s the bathrooms that really impress: each room is fixed with a Japanese Toto toilet (yes, the ones with a bidet and heated seats!). The remainder of the bathroom is equally as fabulous, with luxe Davines bath amenities on hand to keep you smelling delightful. 

Best for: a cheeky Thai language lesson whilst peeing

Everybody always talks about the seemingly endless queue out front of Chin Chin, but have you heard about the bathrooms? The toilets at this boisterous South East Asian-inspired restaurant play Thai language lessons on loop, so you can return to your table after a wee with the knowledge of how to say dog, cat and more in a new language.

Best for: a spacious and old-world pee

The Forum has had a number of previous lives, including as an old 'talkies' theatre and a Christian Revivalist hall, but now it's best known as one of Melbourne's premier live music and performance venues. It's perhaps best known for the ceiling of its auditorium, which is sky-blue and simulates the night sky, but its bathrooms deserve a shout out as well. Complete with long central sinks and slightly dated but still grand touches, the toilets exude a fun mix of seedy and charming. 

Best for: the historic pee

These toilets, which are below street level on Collins Street, are like a little slice of Art Deco lavatory luxury. After a fire wiped out most of the Main Hall in 1925, these underground toilets cropped up with ornate wrought iron and signage out the front is reminiscent of the Paris-Metro signs. Melbourne used to have more underground, historic loos, but since the ’90s, many of them have been capped with concrete, demolished or filled with sand, which makes this one all the more of a treat. Bonus points for the fact that even though this toilet gets a lot of traffic, it’s very clean and smells like antiseptic.

Best for: the arty pee

As much as we love the NGV's water wall, it’s a killer when you’ve gotta go. Luckily, the gallery has primo loos, with the added benefit that you can take in whatever’s been installed in the Federation Court on your way through. The toilets are nothing fancy, but they’re super clean and plentiful. There’s a quirky soundtrack playing in the background and they smell floral.

Best for: the nostalgic pee

Parents have been taking their kids to Myer for a wee for decades: it's basically a CBD shopping tradition. Spending time on the loo here brings back all sorts of memories (Christmas windows, getting a pic with Santa, eating in the cafeteria). Plus, when you’re in a hurry and you need to buy eight different things, it’s a safe and convenient bet. Like the NGV, the toilets aren't anything too fancy, but one of the best things about these toilets is the ample toilet paper (no scratchy individual squares here). 

Best for: the high-class shopping pee

Emporium’s abundant in the bathroom stakes, but a special visit to the third floor (near the food court's beautiful floor to ceiling glass wall) is well worth the escalator trip.  It’s the sort of fit-out we’ve come to expect from a bar, with its feature basins, sloping troughs, marbled tiles, good tunes, well-lit mirrors and soap that won’t abrade the skin off your hands. They’re also scrupulously clean and smell nice – plus the cubicles are big enough to dance in.

Best for: the literary pee

If you hang out on the State Library's lawn for long enough watching the passing fray and listening to the buskers, sooner or later you’ll need to go. Head up the stately stairs and hang a right in the foyer to head through the current exhibit to the loos. These toilets are a stately oasis of calm: marble walls, high ceilings, white stalls, and, despite Swanston Street's clamour – the sound of birds. On your way out, admire the duly famed Reading Dome, the permanent exhibits (we’re in love with the teeny, tiny books) and get a new notebook from Readings. What’s not to love?