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[title]It looked like life was on the up for feisty, fun and sweet-hearted Katherine Howard when her Uncle Thomas, the Duke of Norfolk, scored her a tidy gig at the court of Henry VIII. Sure, the almost 50-year-old monarch was nasty. Or, as Katherine puts it, “his temper’s short, and his mates are sleazy.” But it was not her destiny to stand by his side.
Instead, Howard was tapped to tend to his fourth wife, the German-born Anna of Cleves. But when Henry dumped Cleves for not matching her Tinder profile – aka portrait – Howard didn’t get to skip off to the soon-to-be-ex queen’s remarkably comfortable retirement in a fancy palace, oh no. She was to be unlucky wife number five. Upgraded from a lady-in-waiting to a queen bedecked in fancy French fashion! Surely that’s a win? Alas, Henry was jealous of her interest in his fave courtier, the dashing Thomas Culpeper. Tragically her fate was to mirror that of her cousin Anne Boleyn. Off with her head, and his too!
What a bummer. But we should not let all of this overshadow the joy of a life lived to the max in the minimum amount of time. Instead, let’s make the most of a magnificent day in Melbourne that’s fit for a queen like Katherine Howard.
As someone used to being at the centre of it all from a very young age, we reckon Howard would love to start her day people-watching amidst the hustle and bustle of Queen Victoria Market. So we recommend you start your day with a latte in the airy, arched window space of Market Lane Coffee, which also dishes up pastries from Tivoli Road Bakery. And if you want to wear it like a crown queen should, why not treat yourself to freshwater pearls from Akuna?
Once you’re all dolled up and raring to go, head south and add to your queen’s haul with some fine tunes from Rocksteady Records. Ensconced in the Art Deco splendour of Mitchell House, perched on the corner of Lonsdale and the street that shares its name with Henry’s daughter Elizabeth, it’s a treasure trove for music lovers. And what artist would Howard be browsing the racks for, we hear you ask? Pop goddess Ariana Grande, of course, who once wrote in an open letter: “We are not objects or prizes. We are queens.” Amen to that.
From here, you can wind your way towards the Aladdin’s cave of wonder that is RetroStar Vintage Clothing on the first floor of Melbourne’s architecturally impressive arts haven, the celebrated Nicholas Building. Here you can pick up a funky new look that’s right royally impressive, all without utterly draining the coffers. While you’re in this incredible spot – home to hundreds of artists, designers and other creatively inspiring folks – we recommend checking out the cool contemporary chic of dinky but slinky Flinders Lane Gallery.
Then grab a bite to eat in a cosy booth in the resplendent surrounds of mover and shaker Andrew McConnell’s tip-top Gimlet at Cavendish House, where you can quaff champagne and caviar. Be sure to order the restaurant's signature namesake cocktail, too; it's sweet but still packs a punch – kinda like our queen K-Howard.
Then stroll to the Comedy Theatre at sunset so you can see the all-star fantabulousness of Six the Musical. This up-tempo production sees the six spirited wives of Henry VIII hit the stage to reclaim their crowns and retell their stories in a rebellious celebration of female empowerment. It’s 75 minutes of pure, pop-tastic fun, with an incredible cast that will blow you away.
We know you’ll leave feeling pumped by pure girl power brilliance and won’t want to call it a night as yet, so continue lavishing yourself in luxury fit for Queen Katherine by stepping down into another time and place via the wonder that is basement gem Bar Margaux. A speakeasy-style palace that feels like it’s halfway between Paris and New York, it’s the perfect spot for a queen to wash down a dozen oysters with a dry martini or three. As Howards sings, “the only thing you wanna do is…” stay here all night long.
Six the Musical is showing at the Comedy Theatre until August 21. To book your tickets, head to the website.