Should you take the tram down Swanston or walk down Elizabeth? Will the traffic down Spencer be horrendous, or is King better? We've decided to rank and rate the streets in the Hoddle Grid on four criteria: content (shops, restaurants or bars), ease of transport (by tram, foot or car), usefulness and X factor.
OK listen up builders, contractors, engineers, architects and dreamers of Melbourne: we’re about to ask you (no, beg you) to consider some ideas we have for Melbourne. We love this city dearly, but there are several moments we’ve all had while wandering the streets (back in the pre-pandemic times when you could just wander… and look… and be jolly) and thought: damn, wouldn’t it be cool if X was installed here?
Here are ten infrastructure ideas Melbourne should consider in the future. Got any more? Send them to us!
1. A pedestrian crossing that goes from ACMI to the Forum
This one is already somewhat a reality. With all the construction going on in the CBD thanks to the Metro Tunnel, there’s a temporary crossing that joins ACMI and Fed Square to the Forum. But wouldn’t it be GRAND if this was permanent? No longer will you need to risk your life jaywalking across six lanes of traffic and tram lines to get across to the other side of the street. And no, before you ask, we’re not going to go the long way around and wait for three light changes to cross around where the Duke is and the Russell St tram stops. Nuh-uh. Too time-consuming.
2. An escalator up Collins Street
Y’all know about the giant hill up Collins Street. It’s one of the only gripes we have about the very impressive Hoddle Grid. But boy, isn’t she a tough slog on a hot day when you’re carrying your life in your backpack and you’re racing to meet someone uptown? An escalator or travelator would solve this dilemma. If the budget won’t allow for that, a giant rope to help pull us up towards the Paris End (shudders) could be a compromise.
3. A giant slide down Collins Street.
Come on, you know you want to see the city’s suits sliding down the hill for meetings.
4. A fireman's pole at Parliament station.
For when you need to get to the platform FAST. (It will also stop that queasy feeling you get when you’re travelling super slowly down those looooong escalators and you forget which way is up and which way is down – seriously, it's a known problem).
5. Pedestrian bridges at the Flinders Street Station intersections.
No one has time to wait for the lights to change when you’re running for a train. For instance, a pedestrian bridge from Young and Jackson to the station would solve many a problem. Though, please don’t get rid of that pedestrian scramble where Elizabeth Street and Flinders Street connect. Yes, it’s called a four-way scramble (we looked it up) and it’s awesome.
6. A tram down Lonsdale Street
Everyone else is doing it. Why can’t lil ol’ Lonsdale?
7. A tunnel under Spencer Street and Southern Cross Station as a direct link to Docklands.
We know the joke you’re about to tell: “why would anyone want to go to Docklands!?” Well, yeah, fair. But on the rare occasion you do (ahem, Costco…) this would solve a major quandary when you’re travelling down Bourke and you have to go around the station to get to the western point of the CBD. Maybe whack a travelator in there as well for the pedestrians, because things sure are spread out in Docklands...
8. A tram directly to the ‘G and better signage throughout the tennis precinct.
Yeah, there’s a train, but then you still have to walk from Richmond or Jolimont Station. Wouldn’t it be ace if a tram ran directly to Yarra Park? Oh, the possibilities! And the tennis: how many times have you found yourself at Rod Laver Arena when you actually need to be at Melbourne Arena and the signage is super confusing? Yeah, you’re not the only one.
9. More shade at Fed Square.
Fed Square, we love you, but by golly, you channel Death Valley in the middle of January. Shade, babes! Have you heard of it?
10. More accessible infrastructure at Fed Square (and in general)
On that, we definitely need more disability-friendly infrastructure at Fed Square. We know the majority of the points on this list are a joke, but for many Melburnians, lots of our city is inaccessible because of wobbly, wonky stones (ahem… Fed Square, the majority of Melbourne’s laneways) and a severe lack of ramps and lifts around town. And if you’d like to petition for more accessible buildings around Melbourne, a great place to start is talking to your local council and holding them accountable.