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On a Wednesday night, the Wesley Place precinct is anything but quiet. After dark, what should be a corporate ghost town transforms into one of the city's most coveted spots for a world-class cocktail.
Caretaker's Cottage, "probably" Victoria's smallest bar, has built a reputation that looms large. Being crowned the 21st best bar in the world on the 2024 World's 50 Best Bars list is just the tip of the Highball iceberg when it comes to accolades under its belt.
Once home to the caretaker of the nearby Wesley Church (it's in the name, people), the bar is the brainchild of cocktail heavyweights Rob Libecans, Ryan Noreiks, and Matt Stirling – the trio behind the beloved pop-up Fancy Free.
Whether it's a school night or not, customers spill out of the petite bluestone onto the concrete steps and nearby grassy patches. Inside, the vibe shifts. Step through the doorway, and it's like stepping into a house party, complete with a DJ spinning vinyl, warm lighting and long sheer curtains.
The space seats just 25, and that's part of the magic. If you're among those lucky 25, you're treated to an intimate cocktail theatre. The bar runs like a chef's pass, with bartenders churning out drinks at a pace that's impressive to watch but never rushed in experience.
As I'm visiting in December, I'm lucky enough to try their "Best of" album. All of their favourite cocktails of 2024 have made a triumphant return, all priced at $26. There's also a respectable selection of tap and can beers and wines, but we're here for the cocktails, so they're not getting a look-in.
The menu – designed like a festival pamphlet – invites exploration, but I'm kicking things off with my personal litmus test: a gin Martini. It's served perfectly chilled with two plump, briny olives, though you can opt for a lemon twist or cocktail onions. The temperature is spot on, and the brine gives it a robust, smooth finish that's as classic as it gets.
Since opening, Caretaker's has kept a rotating milk punch on the menu, a clarified cocktail made by curdling milk with booze and then straining out the solids to create a smooth, crystal-clear drink with a silky texture. The June Bug Milk Punch is their 2024 star; it tastes like milk punch on holiday. Comprising coconut rum, banana, Cottage melon liqueur, pineapple and lime, it's funky, nostalgic and deliciously playful. Reminiscent of Midori, there's still some grown-up swagger with salt to keep it grounded and balance the sweetness, making it dangerously drinkable.
The Frantic Atlantic is another winner that mixes pisco, elderflower, grapefruit and lemon for a brightly acidic but satisfyingly sweet drink that goes down far too easily.
For such a small bar, the operation is impressively slick. Four bartenders handle a non-stop flow of orders with a quiet precision that's hypnotic to watch. Every movement is intentional, and every drink gets the care it deserves. It's not just a bar – it's an experience.
With some of the world's best bartenders behind the counter, you shouldn't fear going off the menu or sticking with the classics. My request for a Corpse Reviver 2 was met with a smooth "no problem".
Traditionally billed as a hangover cure, the gin and Lillet Blanc cocktail combines gin, Lillet Blanc (duh), orange liqueur and lemon to form a bright, punchy drink that's anything but ghoulish.
Although they no longer serve food, if you miss their Welsh rarebit, you can hop, skip and stumble across the precinct to Reed House for some of Melbourne's finest grub.
Caretaker's Cottage is quintessentially Melbourne: cool without being pretentious, creative but not overwrought, and intimate without being isolating. It's not a place for big groups or rowdy nights out; this is a bar best enjoyed in pairs or threes. It's a space where you feel cared for, where every detail – from the sheer curtains to the music to the flawless Martinis – has been considered.
In a city teeming with cocktail bars, Caretaker's Cottage doesn't just hold its own – it's leading the charge. It's a reminder that a bar doesn't have to be big to make a big impact.