Le Petite Retreat

How this spa was ever on any "best" lists, we'll never know. At first glance, it's not too offensive: There are clean locker rooms, a pleasant dry sauna and a waiting area with the usual comfy couches and hot tea. But then you'll begin to notice that the music isn't so much relaxing as it is easy listening elevator muzak. And that fountain in the corner sounds more like a man relieving himself (crude but true) than a babbling brook. You may also take note of the many, tacky laminated signs offering membership and discounted rates. The reading material consists of signs like these, as well as tattered copies of magazine articles praising the spa (none more recent than the early 2000s). You'll have lots of time to notice these things, because chance are your therapist will be late. Getting a treatment here is a gamble: Perhaps your therapist will seem like he's never done this before, clumsily bumping into the table and grabbing at you. Perhaps your hot stone massage will be an ice stone massage, because someone forgot to heat up said stones. Perhaps it will feel good for a bit, but chances are when you leave, you'll feel a bit icky and a bit cheated.