As we watch the U.S. medal haul tick up and up during the homestretch of the Paris 2024 Olympics, we find ourselves wishing that we had some sort of talent that was gold medal worthy (but, you know, preferably something that we’re already good at because who wants to spend all of that time training?).
So before Tom Cruise touches down with the Olympic flag and our sporty thoughts shift to L.A.’s own turn at hosting the Olympics, we opted to pose that very question to our followers on social media: If Angelenos were to win a gold medal in something, what would it be?
A lot of you said road rage—which, frankly, we don’t disagree with—but we’d consider that more of a DQ than a podium finish. There were plenty of jabs about botox and blight, too. But there were also quite a few creative answers that gave us a chuckle, and others that were too brutally honest to ignore. With all that in mind, it’s time to drape yourself in this city’s forgettable flag, mouth along to “I Love L.A.” and accept your gold medal for these local quirks and talents.
If Angelenos were to win a gold medal in something, what would it be?
Parking sign comprehension
5m stop sign roll
Taco eating (team event)
Taco eating (individual)
Earthquake social media posting sprint
Recounting every single freeway and surface street you took to get here
Only dating west of La Brea (Westside division)
Only dating east of La Brea (Eastside division)
Silent celeb spotting
Standing in line for coffee
Creating traffic
Complaining about traffic
Casual dress (relaxed setting)
Casual dress (formal setting)
Tailgating on the freeway
High speed pursuits (spectating)
High speed pursuits (…evasion)
Marathon-sized traffic patience
Not being able to navigate to the grocery store without Google Maps, even if it’s only a mile away and you’ve lived in the same spot for two decades
Mispronouncing Spanish words (street names)
Mispronouncing Spanish words (neighborhood names)
Amateur fireworks blasting (Fourth of July)
Amateur fireworks blasting (New Year’s Eve)
Amateur fireworks blasting (on a random Tuesday)
Flaking
Manifesting a gold medal