Joke of the week: Russell Peters

When my ex-wife was pregnant, people would come up to her and say: 'Oh my God, you're pregnant? What a miracle!' ...My ex-wife is Latina and I'm Indian—it's not a miracle she got pregnant, we come from the two most fertile races on the planet. She got pregnant, and we didn't even have sex. I just sent her a text: 'Baby, I'm coming home.' Her: 'All I saw was coming!'

Russell Peters performs at Nokia Theatre Downtown on January 12, at 8pm. Tickets are $50-70 and available online.