Ever think being the strip club DJ might be the sweetest gig? Naked girls, fun music, free booze... Not to crush your dreams of playing music while watching girls get naked, but consider all the other hats the DJ wears every night.
Coach - Any good strip club DJ knows he only makes money if the dancers make money (DJs count on dancer tips). So it's up to him to encourage us, keep us motivated, and yes, know when to put in his star players and when to play the bench. Will putting Diamond on stage now make them more money, or should he let her keep hustling lap dances? Will putting the brand-new, awkward dancer on stage kill a crowd that's making it rain? Try to keep up...
Therapist - Happy strippers make money. Sad/mad girls don't. Girls who are fighting with their spouse, whose dog just died, who just got upset by a shitty customer, who are feeling fat or menstrual come to the booth to find solace and advice. Can you play counselor while mixing a Led Zeppelin track into the latest Bruno Mars single?
Cat Herder - The DJ keeps the rotation of dancers on stage going. People leave when the stage is dead, which means the money leaves. Still, many strippers try to avoid the stage. Some strippers will pester you to dance as often as possible. Others may require you to do your best to subtly skip because they're embarrassing up there. All of them will complain that other dancers perform more or less often than they do (remember, happy dancers make money). Can you run and find Mercedes to get on stage before this Pit Bull song ends? Good luck.
Master of Ceremonies - Somewhere in all this, the DJ also announces each dancer, any specials, reminders to tip when sitting at the stage and eventually, last call.
Conflict Mediator - The DJ booth is a hub of gossip, and inevitably, any and all conflicts between dancers and each other or other staff members get vented here. How quick can you get Tiffany to forget that Natasha stole her customer so she starts making money again?
DJ - Finally, the DJ does actually DJ. Of course, it's complicated. Some dancers want you to choose their songs, others only dance to songs they pick and they're picky (this girl, right here). Others always want music your manager forbids, and still other times dancers will want a country song when it's a hip hop crowd. But, don't play her song, and she might not tip...
Still want that sweet gig...?
More by Josie:
Why girls ACTUALLY become strippers
Josie made our list of the best exotic dancers in LA (under her stage name, Dixie, of course).