Bumper-to-bumper gridlock on the freeways, hour-long lines to get into crowded clubs, and rent prices that cost an arm and a Soul Cycled-leg are just the ways of life in LA. While living here brings unmatched entertainment and lifestyle, there are certain LA annoyances so irritating and obnoxious that they should be a crime, where only swift SoCal-style justice will do. Here's our list.
1. Cheating at bar trivia at the Original Farmers' Market
It doesn’t matter if you totally know that Josh and his team cheat every week. It doesn’t matter if the trivia winnings will pay your bar tab at Surly Goat that weekend. If you don’t know the answer, you don’t know it.
Punishment: One year of having to use mini golf-sized pencils with no visible lead tip while playing trivia. And no involvement in bonus round whatsoever.
2. Cursing in front of children at Disneyland, Universal Studios and other theme parks
Kids and families are the primary visitors, and you don’t want to be that person who gets death stares from parents while waiting in line for Butterbeer at Harry Potter World because you can't sensor yourself.
Punishment: Sentenced to waiting in line at Splash Mountain for two hours, only for it to break down when your log finally approaches.
3. Taking too many selfies/video at a concert
Yes, seeing Axl Rose and Slash do a surprise set at the Troubadour is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Yes, it’s perfectly acceptable to capture one or two images and a brief video of you drunkenly slurring “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” But recording the entire concert on your phone and distracting your fellow concert-goers is a big no-no.
Punishment: One year of obstructed seating/standing at all indoor venues while having to sit next to a noisy group that won’t calm down.
4. Misrepresenting yourself on your online dating profile
Do you actually love to cook? Do you actually love to read? Or are the books you listed as your favorites part of the required curriculum of your AP English class back in high school? Are you really an actor or were you an extra on a commercial once? Plenty of phonies already exist in LA, you don’t need to be one of them.
Punishment: Five first dates with a random sampling of people you swiped left on while using Tinder.
5. Taking too long to order at In-N-Out
The menu has only, like, five or six items on it. You should already know what you want by the time you get to the register. Sure, you might make a last-second decision to go for Animal Style fries or a shake instead of a soda, but everything should be in place by the time the cordial cashier asks you how your day is going.
Punishment: No Animal Style anything for a year.
6. Sitting idle in your car in the Whole Foods parking lot while other drivers are waiting to take your spot
As long as you’re living in one of the most automobile-dense cities in the U.S., it’s your duty to your fellow frustrated Angeleno drivers to start moving.
Punishment: Must valet cars in West Hollywood for five times the amount of time you caused other drivers to wait.
7. Approaching a celebrity in public
There you are at Chipotle when you spot Channing Tatum three spots ahead of you trying to decide if he wants guacamole. After he sits down and is about to take the first bite of his burrito, you approach him and ask to take a picture, but before he can swallow and give you an answer, you snap the photo.
Punishment: Sentenced to one day of paparazzi following you around taking pictures and asking invasive questions about your personal life.
8. Taking up two parking spots
Parking is hard enough in LA without jerks who can't seem to park within the lines—or even worse, the ones who do it on purpose!
Punishment: Street parking only for six months.
9. Holding a place in line at Eggslut
After waiting in line for 15 minutes with a grumbling tummy you get toward the front only to have the guy in front of you have five friends join him.
Punishment: Banned from Grand Central Market for six months.
10. Not picking up your dog's business at Runyon Canyon—or anywhere else for that matter
Runyon is the go-to spot for Angelenos to hike with their dogs, but it's not cool when you're trying to look cute to finally catch the attention of that hot guy you've been eyeing for weeks only to step in dog shit—right in front of said guy.
Punishment: Little Cujo is not allowed on the trails for a year.